I'm depleting brain cells every day
Eating turkey pot pies off of TV trays
My black fingernail ain't a good thing
I've got twelve long steps to sobriety

I've got no money and I've got no home
Then my old lady cold throw me the bone
I'm depleting brain cells every day
Eating turkey pot pies off of TV trays

But when I do I'm gonna turn around
And say hello to your girlfriend

Now I'm packing my bags and I hit the street
I've got a one way ticket to New Orleans
A bottle of port and an ounce of weed
It's gotta last me 'til I find my old lady

And when I do I'm gonna turn around
And sit down and be lazy

Blue balls ain't no fun and I know
Why don't you stick to what you know