[Verse 1]
Ah ha, ham and eggs for breakfast, check it off my checklist
Write a song, about another seven on my set list
Xanny bars and Netflix, candy corn and sexin'
In the morning, put a breath mint in the stinky bitch's mouth
5'4" type booty keep the slinky bitches out
Hand you' pictures out, feel em up, fill up a cup
Hand me the loud, weed, I'm gonna need another gram in an hour
That's why they call me Sa-a-wa-a-a-ammy Lachowder
Ha, that's my own damn name
And you listen, now I'll beat you at your own damn game
Take a puff of the spliff and if you kill it you feel it
Take a-take a little bit of the pill and feel it in minutes, oww!
Drugs, cigarillo residue on carpets and rugs
That's how I end up on the mountain top and start from the mud
Yeah, you can get a pound of bud but you gotta start with a nug, ha

[Verse 2]
The song we all sang
Karaoke jammin' to All The Small Things
Took a xanny, I forget just how I missed my chance
I still miss you like I miss this band
You used to tell me I'm a party boy, huh? I sorta am
And now you're getting mad because I'll text you at 4 A.M
Now I miss the days when we fucked in your orange van
You knew exactly what to do when it came to a horny Sam, damn
And I think not many do
I drink the Henny, listen to Blink-182
Think before I do, don't link wit' any crew
And nothing can replace the things you let me do
I miss you, I miss you, last time I kissed you
We were just little kids just doing whatever kids do
But don't bring the past around girl
And don't make me bring the nasty out girl

[Verse 3]
Cause I'll gas you out, girl
Make me have to bring the caskets out, girl
Slumber party, I'll put a mattress down for you
Baby, don't make me bring the nasty out, girl, ayy
Hit the party just to lick the party
And now we
Come to parties just to run the party
Call me scumbag Sammy, I'll come, baggy pajamies
Round, round, round fatty going down town, daddy
Border, prolly busy pushing Becky in the V (V)
I'm not making sense but shit, it's catchy on a beat (beat)
She said she wanted me, she said she'd let me get in deep
It's getting messy, she address it, kind of sketchy, I agree

[Verse 4]
I'm a skinny 5'10" motherfucker
If you didn't know me, you would think I was a sucker or sumthin'
I'm slow ridin' though Seattle, Buick, fuck it I'm bumpin'
You hear that "clunker, clunker," that means the juggler jumpin'
Now last night I fell asleep with a slut, and I admit it
Great tits, big butt, personality sucked
I woke up like "Eww!" when reality struck
Like, fuck, I've been chillin' in Seattle too much
I got my Burberry pajamas on (swoop)
This goes out to brunettes who want a blonde: I want your pajamas off
My hair is kinda shaggy, one might say it's pothead long
And my rap sheet stretchin' on and on and on
Brrummpa-bum-bum, stole the jumpa jump jump
From producers that I used to get the skunkadunk from

[Verse 5]
My weed's legal, my pocket's empty, my sign's a Libra
Your hair's black, your jeans fit and I'm dying to meet ya
Maybe if I rap sorta like this, would you run and make your momma's momma order my shit? (Enough of that)
Ever since I was a little liquor-high vagabond, I was like dust in the wind
Hanging on a dream for dear life, here right now, in the middle of a drugged out house, wow
Can't believe I bought another ounce, how?
Look how my future is turning out, ouch
Stuck up on the days on the couch, lounging
Still didn't know how to pronounce, the chowder
Pick a beat up and I'm rapping to it
Front of a million people in the back of the Buick
I'm a real ass dude, I just happen to be
All that matters to you is all that matters to me, uh
We could talk about a birth sign, hella rare steak with dessert wine
See you on the side of my ride with my third eye making Part 5 feel like it's the first time, ha

[Outro]
Niiice
Uh huh, uh huh, uh huh, uh huh
[?] better than this