[Verse]
Well, on a Monday I'll be slinging hash
Tuesday I'll be collecting trash
And on a Wednesday, I might be tending bars
Thursdays I'll be the guy who parks you car
And on a Friday I might be teachin' school
Saturday finds me hustlin' pool
I got a whole lot of talents in demand
That's why they call me Handy Man

[Chorus]
Bah, bah, bah
All the neighborhood girls and boys
Bah, bah, bah, bah
They come to me to mend their toys
Dah, dah, dah, dah
Their daddy's call me to mow the lawn
And their mom's all horny when their daddy's not at home!

[Verse]
I can drive a tractor, wheel a truck
I can deal a hand at poker with exceptional luck
I can chop down a redwood using just one hand
That's why they call me Handy Man
Bah, bah, bah
[Spoken]
Yeah, that's why if you need me in emergencies
I can come round and just, you know
Work around the house or backyard or somethin'
Not too taxin' tho'

[Verse]
Yeah, six in the morning I'm out picking fruit
Eight forty-five I'm back pressing suits
Twelve o'clock you'll see me shining shoes
Cocktail hour I'll be servin' booze
I can wash your windows, walk your pet
Get you color reception on a black and white set
I can play a concerto on your baby grand
'Cause I'm a Handy Man

[Chorus]
Bah, bah, bah
All the neighborhood girls and boys
They come to me to mend their toys
Their daddy's call me to mow the lawn
And their mom's all horny when their daddy's not at home!

[Verse]
I save my evenin's for brand new faces
Weekends are reserved for emergency cases
I tell you, babe, you gotta understand
That I'm a Handy Man