Now friends you'd never guess it
So I might as well confess it
I just met the sweetest woman of my long dismal life
And a friend of mine says buddy
In case your mind is muddy
Don't you know that girl you're talkin' to is
Peg Leg Johnson's wife?
That man is big and ugly and he's mean and grim
And he's gonna kick your ass with his artificial limb
But next morning bright and early
I ran off with Peg Leg's girlie
And I also took his wooden leg just to play it safe
But there weren't no time for laughter
Cause he started hoppin' after
And I keep on runnin' faster but he won't give up the chase
And I'm running around the mountain with his bride
And I got his goddamn leg here by my side

(CHORUS)
And I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased 'round the country by a one-legged fool
He's a hoppin' and a floppin' and he shows
No sign of stoppin'
And I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel

From the mountains and valleys
Across the dark Chicago alleys
From the Rocky Mountain waters
To the hills of Caroline
In and out of Pennsylvania
Up and down the Allegheny
Every time I turn around
He is just one foot behind
And I know he's gettin' tired and wet and sick
But in spite of all his problems he can't kick
And I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased 'round the country by a one-legged fool
He's a hoppin' and a floppin' and he shows
No sign of stoppin'
And I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel

He must be ragged and filthy by now
And I've been feeling sorta guilty ever since
That morning last week
When I heard him plead and beg
Says in spite of all your stealin'
I won't bear you any hard feelings
I know Margie doesn't love me, but give me back my leg
Because although the leg you meant to take was wooden
In the dark there by mistake you took the good one

And I'm a three-legged man with a two-legged woman
Being chased 'round the country by a one-legged fool
He's a hoppin' and a floppin' and he shows
No sign of stoppin'
And I tell you boys this life
And I tell you boys this life
And I tell you boys this life is hard and cruel