It's the day after Christmas, better lock your doors
Before you come home and everything is on the floor
I tried to rob a n***a but he was broker than I was
So for Christmas, I can't hear my Nike light bulb jacket
He thought he got mad, but he really got NC-double-A
Called my cousin working at Allstate, talking bout he be in the streets
You say you got a BMW, but you got a dune buggy
You mad as hell cause it's Christmastime and you ain't go no money
He ain't have a snowboard so he used his tub
He ain't even have a house, so where is you gonna go?
You ain't got no water in your house so you gotta bathe in the snow
I went to Pizzapopolis and got me a pretzel
You say you mad, but you slow like a snail
I said I was a professional barber then I left him with no hair in the back
Now he mad cause he ain't even got no hair in the back
He about to walk around bald-headed and get his head smacked
I bought a pet dog, now he mad cause he hit me with a log
I locked my grandma's wig inside of the vault
He ain't got no pencils so he gotta write with chalk
I just got fired, I was a lumberjack for JC Penny