Bart:
Dad, taking the family to opening night is the nicest thing you've ever done for us
Homer:
Or will ever do
Lisa:
I can't wait to see this reimagining of Itchy & Scratchy by avant-garde director Julianna Crelmner
Homer:
Hey, it says here the "book" was written by Tom Stoppard. This isn't a book! It's a play! (laughs) Book
African Man:
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamishtanaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, kimanee sayfaloooooooooooooor...
Old Cat:
All hail the king of the cats
Cast:
Sayfalooooooor, sayfaloooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooor...
Marge:
(gasps) They're coming down the aisles! What if they want to interact with me? Looking through my purse, looking through my purse, keep walking, monkey!
Bart:
Don't worry, Mom, they all pass by
Marge: Oh thank God. (A monkey immediately walks up and' 'starts to "talk" to her. Confused, Marge makes monkey noises back.)
Bart: (chuckles)
Cast:
Itchy-Scratchy, Itchy-Itchy-Scratchy
Itchy-Scratchy, Itchy-Itchy-Scratchy
(cont'd over following)
Singing Cat:
From the day you were born in the alley
To the day you were hit by a car
There's cream to drink and mice to eat
And great big balls of yarn
It's the circle
The circle of—
Itchy:
KNIFE! (Itchy runs around giggling and cutting off the Old Cat's arms and legs.)
Lisa:
I love the use of streamers as blood. It robs the violence of its power
Bart:
Woo-hoo! I'm drenched in "blood"!
Scratchy:
I don't know why I trust him
I guess some cats just never learn
Itchy:
I feel so good when I have crushed him
Or left him mangled, maimed and burned
Both:
I suppose it's symbiotic
And perhaps a bit erotic
Scratchy:
'Cause pain is my narcotic
Itchy:
You really liked it?
Scratchy:
Yes, I loved it
Both:
And that's why we're always
Itchy:
Fighting...
Scratchy:
And biting...
Itchy:
And dynamite igniting!
Homer:
Hey, check it out! I'm Scratcher or somethin'
Cast:
It's the circle
The circle of knife!
It's the circle
The circle of knife!