I stayed inside to see all the crap that's on TV
Maybe Bergerac will come and save us
Maybe Bergerac will come and save us
I don't think he even knows we're here

Been watching so much TV
Got to get out and reclaim my energy
Grow a mustache just like Tom Selleck
And maybe a beard like Brian Blessed
Electron beams
The beams
The beams
And John McCririck's face
The face
The face
The face
Draws me back into a foetal state
And I start to believe in destiny and
Fate

And the hertz
The hertz
The hertz
A thousand miles above
Above
Above
Above
Benevolent satellites smile from space
At the seven deadly blackened sins all bound up in lace
And I started to believe that you could fall in love with me
Maybe Bergerac will come and save us
Maybe Bergerac will come and save us
I don't even think he knows we're here

If Dawson's Creek has taught me one thing
For every person in this room there's probably someone
Mr Feeny was a kindly mentor
In my quest for the lovely Tapanga

So where are you John Wayne, Big Bird, Superman and Bob
Bob Ross
Bob Ross
Bob Ross
Shatner and Sneider and Mr. T
Like a latter-day post modern holy trinity
I feel so lost
So lost
So lost
In this wilderness
It's dark
It's dark
It's dark
The rubbish and the slag of daytime TV
And the winding dole queue of old celebrities
Not sure if I believe
I know I don't want to leave
Maybe Bergerac will come and save us
Maybe Bergerac will come and save us
I don't think he even knows we're here

Not sure if I believe
I know I don't want to leave
Maybe Bergerac will come and save us
Maybe Bergerac will come and save us
I don't think he even knows we're here