[Bitsy, spoken:]
Oh, take it up with Helen, because she's in charge of the babies and "wah wah"s of this hotel. Because that's what I'm hearing, "wah wah!"

[Lionel, spoken:]
Helen's not here, so I'm telling you. And if I leave, all of my customers leave with me

[Bitsy, spoken:]
Wah wah, I'm Lionel, now I have to make drinks for the service bar too! Poor me...

[BITSY]
It's all so draining
Not that I'm royalty
But so much complaining
Where is his loyalty?

I'm hardly a matron
Yet I stand accused
Decades his patron
Just bring me my booze

[BITSY: Chorus]
Pour poor me
More, more plеase
I'm so, I'm so thirsty
Pour poor me
More, morе please
I'm so, I'm so thirsty
[LIONEL]
I could have been a doctor
But I took my skills to libations
A master serving master glasses
She's finally in perspective
The disrespect she has shown
Shellacked and cracked in lacquered plaster
You can't put a price on magic

[BARFLIES]
But he brings us booze

[LIONEL]
Now anyone can be your friend

[BARFLIES]
But Lionel brings us booze

[BARFLIES: Chorus]
Pour poor me
More, more please
We're so, we're so thirsty

[Barflies continue to repeat Chorus in the background for the rest of the song.]

[BAR PATRON #1]
He gave me his pants when I needed pants
[BAR PATRON #2]
He built my son's science project

[BAR PATRON #3]
He let me call him dad

[LIONEL]
I'll give you a shoulder to cry on

[BAR PATRON #4]
He taught me how to ride a bike

[BAR PATRON #5]
He bailed me out of prison

[BAR PATRON #6]
He invested in my startup company

[BAR PATRON #7]
He found my birth parents

[LIONEL]
And some free advice