[ORIN]
When I was young and just a bad little kid
My mama noticed funny things I did
Like shootin' puppies with a BB gun
I'd poison guppies, and when I was done
I'd find a pussy cat and bash its head
That's when my mama said

[Crystal, Ronette, Chiffon]
What did she say?

[Orin]
She said "My boy, I think someday
You'll find a way
To make your natural tendencies pay"

You'll be a dentist (You'll be a dentist)
You have a talent for causing things pain (Pain)
Son, be a dentist (Son, be a dentist)
People will pay you to be inhumane (Inhumane)
Your temperament's wrong for the priesthood
And teaching would suit you still less
Son, be a dentist
You'll be a success

[Crystal, Ronette, Chiffon]
Here he is folks, the leader of the plaque
Watch him suck up that gas, oh my God
He's a dentist and he'll never ever be any good
Who wants their teeth done by the Marquis de Sade?
[PATIENT]
That hurts, wait, I'm not numb

[ORIN]
Eh, shut up, open wide, here I come
I am your dentist (Goodness gracious)
And I enjoy the career that I picked (Love it)
I am your dentist (Fitting braces)
And I get off on the pain I inflict (Really love it)

I thrill when I drill a bicuspid (Ooh, bicuspid)
It's swell, though they tell me I'm maladjusted (Dentist)
And though it may cause my patients distress (Distress)
Somewhere, somewhere in Heaven above me
I know, I know that my mama's proud of me
Oh, mama

'Cause I'm a dentist
And a success

Say ah! (Ah)
Say ah! (Ah)
Say ah! (Ah)
Now spit!