We give daps and pounds
And yeah, I'll buy the next round
But don't you dare try to hug me
Why would another man want to touch me?
There's something not right here
Why would he compliment my hair
Is he sick? Is this a dare?
What other explanation is there?
We're men, that’s how we’re raised
Don't smile, don't give too much praise
Don't cry, don't beg, don't ask, just take
Don't get tired, never take a break
But above all else, show no affection
I mean, it just goes without question
Never let down your guard
Just be a man, it's not hard

Hello, dear reader
Allow me to set the scene:
In the back of the van somewhere outside of Birmingham
It’s another 90 degree day scorcher and the AC died days ago
Our fearless protagonist sits between alfred., doodling yesterday's highlights on their tablet
And Logan, who at present is succumbing to the warm air lulling him to sleep
With every passing second, his head droops lower and lower
Until finally it finds itself resting comfortably on our hero's shoulder
The following is an inner dialogue
Well, now what do I do now?
We better turn the van around
Take me home, this is not allowed
Oh fuck! Okay, play it cool, play it cool
And remember everything you learned back in high school
If a guy is too nice it means he must want to fuck you
Raised Southern Baptist so no man above you
Oh wait, that's fucking ridiculous man
A decade later and you’re still letting these kids tell you how to be a man?
So get it the fuck together, come up with a game plan
We’re still two hours outside of Birmingham
Just put your arm around him, just be fucking normal
You spent the last two weeks together, why now to be formal?
But what if someone sees? Oh, then it’ll all be over
You’ll avoid eye contact for the rest of the tour
You'll never live this down, you’ll never live it down
If you don’t just put your arm around him, you’ll regret it now
And forever, why are you like this? You’re not a leader, you’re a letdown
A real man wouldn’t panic, you’ll never wear the fucking crown
Why can’t you do it you coward?
All your life you’ve wanted close male friends, why now to be a wallflower
Where’s that conviction you like to sing about? Where’s that willpower?
Are you just gonna sit here frozen for the next two hours?
Just put your arm around him, just do it, please just fucking do it
You'll never live this down, it's now or never
You gotta unfreeze, just get unstuck
But then he woke up