I was feeling real depressed, I was feeling real low down
Just felt so bad that I could not get my butt up off the ground
I was mopin' round the house, I was bumpin' into walls
I was cryin' at the Andy Griffith show, I was snappin' at the dog

I was starting to fear for my sanity
I could not find my ego with both hands
So I decided professional help was the only hope for me
So I called up this number which I'd gotten off TV

They said "Are you having marital problems? Are you emotionally impaired?
Are you sure you're being followed? Or are you just scared of being scared?
Well if so, you better come on in have a little talk with the doc"
So I did

I said, "Doctor, good doctor, I got trouble on my mind
Now listen to me, Doc, I don't have too much time
I got a feeling down inside me and it will not go away
You know it hangs on and bangs on my soul every day"

"Oh and Doctor, good doctor, I'm grabbing at loose ends
And I haven't felt like I used to since I don't remember when
Oh and yesterday got past me, today is all the same
And tomorrow really scares me, man, I just can't play the game"

He said, "Quit whining"
He said, "Straighten up and fly right"
He said life is not a piece of cake
He wanted to know if my insurance was paid up
Well I'm okay and you're okay, if the check's okay
Second best hundred dollars I ever spent