Now, i live in the country
I got a neighbor...his name's joe
And me and joe
Don't get along just so

So, one day i decided
I was gonna fix his clock
And that puny motherfucker'd
Never know!

Now, old joe he growed a garden
Out behind his house
The prettiest fuckin' garden
You've ever seen!

One day i struck out through the grass
And watched his little, scroungy ass
And when he got inside
I got real mean!

I stomped on his tomata's
And i pissed on his potata's
And i shit all over
His fuckin' sugar beets!

And then i got my dick real hard
And jacked off in that fuckers yard!
And shot my rocks
All over his cabbage leaves!

I showed that little sucker, didn't i?
Thought i was guttin' a big ol' hog in the ass
Didn't know what was gonna happen next
Listen here!

Now, i left there tippin' like a mouse
And made my way back to my house
But when i got there
Things were kind of quiet

I heard somebody moan and groan
And i thought, "what the hell is goin' on?"
So i peeped through the window
And i saw a terrible sight!

It was joe, and my wife, in the bed
And in my wife's ass i saw his head
And i thought
"that sonofabitch ain't got no sense!"

And he never did come up for air
And there amongst the fur and hair
He was having a full-course meal
At my expense!

Now, a time, or two, he coughed and spit
And my wife screamed, and almost shit
And i thought that motherfucker
Would never stop!

But he finally quit, and grabbed his pants
And up the road i watched him dance
Acting like old johnny
On the spot!

Oh! i fucked up his eatin'!
And he eat up my fuckin'!
I didn't know the bastard was the kind
That went for suckin'!
While i was in his garden
He was in my cornfield shuckin'!
And now my wife
Is throwin' rocks at me!

Now, the moral of this story is...
Don't ever pick the shit!
You might not know the trouble
You'll be startin'!

Just let your fuckin' neighbor be
And think about what happened to me
And most of all.....
Don't fuck with that man's garden!

Oh! i fucked up his eatin'!
And he eat up my fuckin'!
I didn't know the bastard was the kind
That went for suckin'!
While i was in his garden
He was in my cornfield shuckin'!
And now my wife
Is throwin' rocks at me!

Yes, now my wife is throwin' rocks at me...