[Intro]
Yaaaaaaa!
Ca- Ca- Ca- Ca- Ca- Ca- Ca- Ca- Captain Murphy
Ha ha ha ha!

[Reporter and Captain Murphy]
History's man of mystery (Ha ha ha ha)
Rooted by an insane lust to dominate and destroy
His mystic powers and physical strength made him the most dangerous man of his time
No one knew him, they only feared him
Now at last, the real shocking story can be told

[Fan #1]
Oh, Captain!
For so long I have quivered at the thought of your lips on my crudely drawn mouth

[Fan #2]
Hey! Don't talk like that you- you slut!

[Reporter]
Here is the amazing true story of the man, whose evil genius still fascinates the entire world

[Fan #3]
Hey! You know, someone had told me that you're famous

[Captain Murphy]
Yeah
[Reporter]
The ladies adore him

[Fan #4]
Captain Murphy

[Captain Murphy]
Uh-

[Fan #4]
Hi
Now sir; why do you think I should choose you, to father my baby?

[Captain Murphy]
Huh?

[Reporter]
His hypnotic powers mesmerize the entire world

[Captain Murphy]
Well, I mean, I-

[Reviewer]
He makes it no secret, he can do whatever he wishes
Do you understand what that means?
He must be destroyed before he destroys us all!
[Reporter]
But can they kill this man possessed by superhuman powers of evil

[Fan #4]
Captain Murphy

[Outro]
*laughing*