Awaiting cessation
It's to the point where I cave
My insecurities repel the very thoughts of foundations
Surprised at what I am after would be something they would tinker with
I pick up all the pieces split. The fixing can be intricate
My mother always tells how she's proud because I'm loving
But the past few years that's gone by I felt nothing
I'm repulsive. Convulse whenever I start to ruminate
About the ruined state I've placed myself in
Get your rumors straight
Assume that for a second I can take back all the pain I caused
I'd do it in the moment then reverse it to regain the spark
That killed me, built me and showed me a life after
When I look back on the past it's met with tears and slight laughter
Adapted to this incidental life-type reluctantly
I know now how shit operates. Compensate with fucking means
The Tin man accommodated to no heart
Before he lost it he offered it then was thrown in the dark
But it's cool. I find this to be more than a tool
A trial of pure denial climbing out of that ruse
Maybe by this request I'm biting off more than I can chew
When opportunities present themselves it's oh so hard to choose
I have needs. Comforting is something that I seek
Whenever I start to vent to friends I feel like I am weak
Because I know not one that's like me and frightens me so
People that have it so easy and things are under control
I can't skip this and it's tough without assistance
At night if you hearken close you can hear me in the distance
Banging on my chest for the world to hear the echo
Abandon all hope, turn away and try and let go
"Son is so pissy. Why the fucks' he so whiny?"
And the question that I ask is "why's my skin so shiny?"
That's right. Ever since my fall and transformation
I've been hoping that oil's in the forecast as rain
But it's highly unlikely so it seems that I'll be stuck here
Trying to find a meaning but everything has been unclear
Damn these years I've had. I can't explain them
And they really rearranged the way I think and how I feel
There's stress and a kinda hazy feeling of disownment
So I try to cut components that impede my atonement
Own up, coward. It's time for you to live in the moment
It's lonely out in the open when you are your own opponent
Know there's goals to work towards and people prove wrong
Conditioned to back off when feelings are too strong
I have lost joy in things I once loved doing
And it's sad but it's true and that's not seen improvement
If recommended to try something new by you
I'm sorry, it won't appeal to me. It has to feel real to me
Oh woe is me. Nothing has been owed to me
Indebted to myself and also everyone whose close to me
Option 1 is shut out and the other other one is lie
When the Tin Man appears stomp him out so he can die
Smack some god damn sense in defense of his psyche
A change is evident but it's unlikely
Fuck you if you like me if you hate me then I need you
That's the "close-out method" that only the scared and week do
I bleed through the creases of my joints and it's see through
Hes so preposterous, a stop to this will please you
This persona is possessive of my entity
Nirvana took a back seat but now it's a necessity
Anything to get over this wave that has plagued me
That pushed away your love when it was only meant to save me
That made me feel whole but inside I am empty
The hollow bodied guise of the tin man's plenty
When he declines tries he turns friends into enemies
A break through is possible, change is in parentheses
No it's not his fault. Theres nobody he can trust
So he'll sit out in the woods all alone til he rusts
And combusts from inside out with his affects blatant
It weighs on his on body and his sides start shake
Maybe when confronted by his peers on how he acts
He will take a step back, reassess and drop his ax
Since I lost you're glow songs make more sense
Hence the honesty presented in the songs I invent
I confess, yes, I almost overcame this complex
At the half way point, still it finds a way to test me
Especially at times where I don't expect to be
Conflicted with the weakness that's always a step ahead of me
To summarize this all, it's where you want to love but can't
To those whose undergo this mess just want a heart inside their chest
That's it
To those whose undergo this mess just want a heart inside their chest