[WILL]
I got to Kansas City on a Frid'y
By Sattiday I larned a thing or two
For up to then I didn't have an idy
Of what the modren world was comin' to
I counted twenty gas buggies goin' by theirsel's
Almost every time I took a walk
'Nen I put my ear to a Bell Telephone
And a strange womern started in to talk

[MAN 1, spoken]
To you?

[AUNT ELLER, spoken]
What next?

[MEN, spoken]
Yeah what?

[WILL]
Everythin's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as fur as they can go
They went and built a skyscraper seven stories high
About as high as a buildin' orta grow
Everythin's like a dream in Kansas City
It's better than a magic lantern show
You can turn the radiator on
Whenever you want some heat
With every kind of comfort
Every house is all complete
You can walk to privies in the rain
And never wet your feet
They've gone about as fur as they can go
[AUNT ELLER AND MEN]
Yes sir!
They've gone about as fur as they can go

[WILL]
Everything's up to date in Kansas City
They've gone about as fur as they can go
They got a big theayter they call a burleeque
Fer fifty cents you can see a dandy show
One of the gals was fat and pink and pretty
As round above as she was round below
I could swear that she was padded
From her shoulder to her heel
But later in the second act
When she begun to peel
She proved that everything she had was absolutely real
She went about as fur as she could go

[ALL]
Yes sir!
She went about as fur as she could go