[Spoken Intro]
When my husband became CEO of Pleasure Corp
I wondered what the advantages would be for me?
Well now I'm aboard the SS Funship for a holiday so good
I'm being paid to sing about it!

[Verse 1]
If you could be me now
Out on a pleasure cruise
Seeing several sights
And drinking copious booze
I'd like my friends from work
To take a good look
At the cheapest hangover cause you can book
All I can say is "Hey!"
Look now this is the life
Just like the brochures say
You can cheat on your wife
It's a high-class ocean ride (You can't afford it)
And it's months since someone died!

[Verse 2]
If you could be me now
Out on a foreign shore
Sand in every crack and with my butt burnt raw
I left the kids back home so I can really unwind
On the cheapest cruise liner ever designed!
All I can say is "BAM!"
Just look at where you are
A cabin hook up—WHAM!
Here comes chlamydia!
It's the best ship, oh yes ma'am (We'd never deceive ya!)
And the court says there's no scam!