[Intro: Spoken]
Baillie: "Yeah, we're five minutes away"
Sturgeon: "Has, uh, anyone seen my sleeping bag?"
Baillie: "I don't know, did you leave it at the stomping party?"
Sturgeon: "Fuck!"
Baillie: "This says, 'One hundred feet past Chick-fil-A'"
Sturgeon: "Gross..."
Baillie: "There it is"
Sturgeon: "What's this club?"
Both: "Oh..."

[Verse 1]
The tour is booked
Our goose is cooked
This town is looking kind of lean
Do you think they even have a fucking scene?
Is this Arizona or downtown Pomona?
From 2nd Street and Main
All of these places look the goddamn fucking same!

[Pre-Chorus]
The directions say just five more minutes left to go
What do you think the club will be like for tonight's show?
Oh?!

[Chorus]
We're playing at a mall
We're playing at a mall
We're playing at a mall
We're playing at a mall
[Verse 2]
The bags are packed
Our van is jacked
Where's my fucking sleeping bag?
Did you leave it at the stomping party?
Our eyes are red, we're underfed
If I see another bowl of pasta
I'll punch you in your fucking liar face!

[Pre-Chorus]
Promoter says it's just behind Chick-fil-A
But I've never heard of the club that we are playing today
What can I say?
"There is no fucking way"?
Three hundred punks are at a mall?!

[Chorus]
We're playing at a mall
We're playing at a mall
We're playing at a mall
We're playing at a mall!

Mall! Yeah! Punks! Yeah!
Mall Punks!