Quagmire: Nip nip here, nip nip there

And a bevy of porno stars

There's jugs and mugs of Molson beer

In Canadian nudie bars

Dirty hoes, put on shows

And a lot of them don't have scars

They'll even take it up the nose

In Canadian nudie bars

You can touch and squeeze and they don't even care

Peter: Would they even dye their pubes to match my hair?

Quagmire: Uh huh!

Peter: Color me there

Quagmire: Do like me, say "oui oui"
And tell them you're a friend of Bill Maher's

Bill Maher: That's how you'll get to watch them pee

In Canadian nudie bars

Quagmire: Ha ha ha

Peter: ho ho ho

Together: Ha ha ha ha

Joe: Haaaaa

Quagmire: A guy can get his hockey pucked

In Canadian nudie bars