[Intro: Henry Oak]
Alright I want a good clean discourse here
Show your methods, cite your sources
And don’t let them see you bleed
Dr. Yang? You may proceed

[Verse 1: Dr. Yang]
Blow a kiss to the igneous, hottest around
The only rock that started from the underground
And it's coarse when it's forced to just chill in the crust
Got the gift of gabbro, turn my haters to dust
And if I had to choose either:
Diorite, andesite on one? I'll never die
Spit fire like fighters in the second world war
Gettin' higher off the fires off the volcano core
Lava cools down faster when it's extrusive
Hear that laughter? That's ‘cause you blew it
Vesicular: you can see through it
Felt sick to your stomach you spewin' -
Trusive igneous beneath the surface of the earth
Intuitively loses heat in service of the birth of
Plutonic rock like the greek god of hell
Blew off the top like when Pompeii fell
Too hot to stop as my confidence swells
Shoe gotta drop like they're Nike's on sale
Got obsidian lines so sharp you can't touch it
I'm the dark crystal the rest of y’all muppets
If you're being pragmatic you can call me magmatic
Set the block off in a panic, survivors up in the attic
Who have had it up to here with my pyroclastic flow
Take their house out from under them like bank foreclo-
Sure, it might not be too easy to see it
Earth's crust's 90 percent igneous
Worked up through the ground undefeated
Blew up, left nobody else breathin'
[Spoken: Henry Oak]
Well articulated, Dr. Yang, as always
But let’s see if you’re ready for some thesis defense
Dr. Cartwright? Your rebuttal

[Verse 2: Dr. Cartwright]
Sediment
Better than
Other rocks because it can
Hold its own by holding stones in different times and continents
So lonely pieces lost at sea can stick to other rocks again
You see rocks get weathered by wind and water
They waste away, they turn to clay
The pieces get smaller
And these itty bitty pieces seep into one another
Filling creases
Compacting, cementing, squeezing
It's romantic…
How they gather in space
Let's talk sedimentary back at my place
‘Cause i'm hot for bedrock until your bed rocks
Yabba dabba do me, give my pussy a TED talk
Fuckin' out of wedlock, suck your fuckin' head off
Get a Ph.D in the anatomy of me, doc
Finger my hand holds like Alex Honnold
No ropes this time i'll climax free solo
Shake my ass so good you’ll think that it’s seismic
You want research but first i want your big dick
Swallowing your geological detritus
Choke on you until they give me the heimlich
You worried climate change will make the oceans rise
But the real global warming’s right between my thighs
Love is like rocks - it can sometimes be bumpy
If you want to see my cave you're gonna have to spelunk me
Gosh I just love rocks!

[Spoken: Henry Oak]
Okay. Thank you, Cynthia, that was, uh, very um, very detailed
Dr. Timothy Leacock, you have the floor

[Verse 3: Dr. Timothy Leacock]
Hey there folks
My name is Timothy
Ph.D in geology
I work at the San D
Museum of “Natty” History
Ugh, look, I don’t really rap
Rhymes aren’t my thing
So I guess I’ll try to give this one a “shot!”
Shoot, I should’ve said “swing” - rhymes with “thing”
Oh God, why am i doing this?
This is gonna take all night
What time is it? Half past eight?
Well i guess I’ll be late for my dinner date
Oh that rhymes, okay
With the dinner date
With my wife, golly, she’s great!
Anyways, back to rocks
Which one’s the best one?
Well there’s no debate
Well, no, of course there is a debate
I mean, debate is the cornerstone of all scientific inquiry
And to be qualitative with regards as to
What is surely considered a subjective opinion is, i mean
I must say
Is completely outside the domain of science itself, but...
(phone rings)
Oh, one second that’s my wife calling, give me a sec
Yeah I’ll be home... I’m almost done...
Sorry, sorry, sorry
That was my wife
Love of my life
Anyways
Let’s end this right now
Hypothetically I can't decide between the pedigree of
Sedimentary against the entities we know as igneous
And of the three I lean towards metamorphic rock
Endorse the changing form, it’s obvious
I’m confident the opulence is often missed in quartz and schitz
In metamorphosis the protolith is tormented by forces like
High pressure and temperature
Actually changes the rock itself
So any rock can really become a metamorphic rock!

So anyways
No more conjecture
I’m done with this lecture
And when it comes to the greatest form of rock?
I think it’s easy to see
Metamorphic is in the top three

Thanks everyone for listening!
Timothy out!