In a community that stresses macho male sexual stories as a highlight of all conversation
I was an under-developed immature fat little dude that never got laid and was constantly razzed
"Oh, poor little kid!"
It bothered me probably more so because I was horny and frequently had to make up stories like
"Uh, when I went on vacation I met this chick and we fucked and she loved it!"
Etcetera, etcetera...
This typical pubescent problem was in effect during the height of my problems with my father and stepmom
You know, the typical wicked-stepmom story
And so, I moved to both grandparents' and four sets of aunts' and uncles'
and so forth and so on within the year
And in eighth grade, my mom had no choice to take me in because my dad packed my stuff
and drove me to her house in the morning and left me there
She was pissed
I accumulated quite a healthy complex, not to mention the complexion
Then one day I discovered the most ultimate form of expression ever
Marijuana
Oh boy, Pot!
I could escape all day long and not have the routine nervous breakdowns once a week
Only being stoned for the first few times was what I claimed as something I would do for the rest of my life
And I would practically do anything to ensure my supply of the fantastic weed
Trevor was a guy I hated, but resorted to becoming friends with
because he was the only person I could get pot from
He was the kingpin
Trevor, Ace, John and Derren
All white-trash, lowlife scums of the Earth According to the jocks, had been going to this girl's house after school, and they invited me
We got to the door and a very fat girl let us in
It wasn't obvious to me for over an hour that this girl seemed kind of quiet
Until one of the guys pointed out that she was in a special ed class
I'm sure a lot of kids would call her a retard and some just slow
And at the time, and still to this day, I would call her quiet and illiterate but not retarded
The object of the guys who had be going there for the past month was to steal booze from the downstairs basement den of her house
While others distracted her by opening covers and doors and pretending to eat all the food
One would go down and take a fifth and then exit out the downstairs
So we'd do this routine every otherday and got away with it for, oh, about a month
And during that month it happened to be the epitome of my mental abuse from my mother
It turned out that pot didn't help me escape my troubles too well anymore
and I was actually enjoying doing rebellious things like stealing booze and busting store windows and-
And nothing ever mattered
I decided within the next month, I'll not sit on my roof and think about jumping
But I'll actually kill myself
And I wasn't going out from this world without actually knowing what it was like to get laid
So one day after school I went to the girl's house alone
And invited myself in and she offered me some Twinkies
And I sat on her lap and I said
"Let's fuck"
And I touched her tits and she went into her bedroom and got undressed in front of me
And I watched and realised that it was actually happening
So I tried to fuck her but I didn't know how
and I asked her if she had ever done this before
and she said "A lot of times", mainly with her cousin
I got grossed out very heavily
with how her vagina smelled and her sweat reeked
So I left
My conscience grew to where
I couldn't go to school for a week and when I went back I got in-house suspension for skipping
And that day, the girl's father came in and screaming and accusing someone of taking advantage of his daughter
And so during lunch, a rumour started, and by the next day
Everyone was waiting for me to yell and cuss and spit at me and callin' me "the retard-fucker"
I couldn't handle the ridicule
So I got high and drunk and walked down to the train tracks and laid down
And put two big pieces of cement on my chest and legs and I waited for the eleven o'clock train
And the train came closer and closer and closer
And it went on the next track besides me instead of over me
The tension from school had an effect on me and so I couldn't attend the school anymore
And the train scared me enough to try to rehabilitate myself and my
My lifting weights and mathematics seemed to be improving so I became less manically depressed
But still haven't had any friends because I...
I hated everyone, for they were so phoney