[VARTHUR]
I run a theatre
A classy theatre
And I’ve been doing it for thirty years
Like Lincoln Center
Except my center
Has got a dollar store, a nail salon, and Sears
If you haven’t guessed
It’s in the Midwest
But no less inferior
We serve the Philistines
On Lake Superior

So what’s exciting
Is I’ve been writing
A piece of theatre never seen before
It’s beef and basil
Meets razzle dazzle
With someone lying dead upon the dining room floor
Served with canapes
Is the greatest play
In my theatre’s history
I’ve written a great murder mystery

[ALL]
A killer party, oh, oh, oh
A killer party, whoa, oh, oh, oh
[CAMERON]
There’ll be mayhem
And meatballs

[SHEA]
A fight to survive

[VARTHUR]
It’s my killer party
And I’ve never felt so alive
I sent a letter

[LILY]
An invitation

[VARTHUR]
With everything a guest would need to know

[CLARKE]
And in the letter is information

[VIVIKA]
About the role that I’ll be playing in the show

[VARTHUR]
And I soon amassed
The most perfect cast
In my theatre’s history
[ALL]
To star in a great murder mystery

[VIVIKA]
It’s called “The Circus Steamboat Murder”

[GEORGE]
What?

[LILY]
You know that really is a clever theme

[CAMERON]
There is a circus inside a steamboat?

[GEORGE]
What?

[SHEA]
How did he know that this is a designer’s wet dream?

[ALL]
Murder on a boat
Merrily they float
Trapped alone like baby rats
With lions, a ringmaster
Clowns, and some acrobats
A killer party, oh, oh, oh
A killer party, whoa, oh, oh, oh
There’ll be motives and Malbec
A fight to survive

[VARTHUR]
It’s my killer party
And I’ve never felt so alive

[ALL]
A party, a party
A great dinner party
Tonight

A killer party, oh, oh, oh
A killer party, whoa, oh, oh, oh

There’ll be secrets and salad
A sensual tryst
Turns out that Oliver
Ain’t the best twist

Misdirects and missteps
Sausages and suspects
Ingenues and intrigue
This’ll make us major league

[VARTHUR]
Ready now to run it
Let us see whodunnit

[ALL]
It’s a fight to survive

[VARTHUR]
And I’ve never felt so…