[JACK NICHOLSON, spoken]
Ladies and gentlemen
Adam Sandler

[ADAM SANDLER, spoken]
Yeah, baby!
Let's hear it for Jack, baby!
Jack made it out tonight!
Love you, brother
Okay, here we go

(sung)
Everyone in this room has something in common
All of our lives were changed by this show
Everyone in this room has something else in common
None of us were allowed to use the little bathroom in Lorne's office

50 years, 50 years
Saturday Night Live's been on for 50 years
50 years of your sketch killing at read-through
Then finding out they didn't pick it
Because the host didn't want to take off his shirt

50 years of Tuesday late-night pizza
35 years of Pepto Bismol from Nurse Theresa
Yeah, baby
50 years of the cast looking straight at the cue cards
And 30 years of drunk Wally holding the cue cards upside down
Attababy, Wally!

50 years of writers seeing Spielberg at Lorne's monitors
Not laughing at one of their sketches that he obviously hated
50 years of those same writers then getting wasted at the after party
And loudly telling everybody that Jaws was overrated

50 years of prank calling some New York magazine critic
50 years of finding out your favorite musician's anti-Semitic
50 years of asking an intern to pick up your laundry at 2:30 a.m
Not realizing that the intern was Martin Scorsese's kid
Or Nora Ephron's kid or Randy Newman's kid
Or whoever Lorne had dinner with on Wednesday night's kid

50 years of cast members saying "I'm not getting on enough"
Their spirits are broken and their hearts are full of malice
50 years of them storming off to tell Lorne how they really feel
Then chickening out and saying "Hey, Lorne. I knitted this scarf for Alice"

50 years of waking up Sunday afternoon depressed
50 years of Downey not writing the cold open until five minutes before dress
And 50 years of wondering who's gonna take over the show when Lorne retires
But everyone knows that the answer is, of course, Speedy
Thatababy, Speedy!
50 years of young comedians getting hired for the show
From stand-up, Groundlings, Second City and all the rest
50 years of cast members saying "I think our cast is the greatest of all time"
But we all know that the first cast was the best
And because of them

We got four years of Eddie Murphy
Eight years of Will Forte
Five years of Jan Hooks and Gilda
Six of Victoria, 11 of Che
Three years of Melanie Hutsell
Michael McKean crushed it in two
One of Billy Crystal's, six of Dennis Miller
Eight of Hartman, The Glue
Seven years of Dratch and Wiig
Five years of Oteri and Quinn
Four of Kazurinsky and Cleghorn
Eleven of Armisen
14 years of Davis and Andy
Schiller and Smialek, 25
18 of Audrey Dickman and Davey Wilson
Plus Eamon and Dicso and Bobby Van Ry
30 years of Downey
45 years of Lorne
Six years of our boy Farley
Five of our buddy Norm
50 years of one of us getting to say live from New York
It's "Saturday Night"
50 years of standing on home base
Waving good night and goodbye

50 years of the best times of our lives

(spoken)
Alright!
Thank you, Lorne!