Vane Lily
X-Faded Girl

"Do you wanna die?"
Asked the girl on the hotline
"Do you wanna die?"
Asked the man on the air
Is it copping out
If I don't know the answer
Is it copping out
If I don't really care

What else could I say
So that no one would bother
What else could I say
So that no one would care
And how else can I say
"To be honest, I'm tired"
What else could I say
So that no one would care

A morning in paradise
It's well past twelve
Confined to four walls of I, me, and myself
And if there were a different way to live
Don't you think I would've tried it?

The pain in my legs, and my stomach, my head
It radiates, it aggravates
I'm dead weight on my bed
I've hit a wall, I've tried it all
And yes, I took my meds
I keep living with no incentive
Everyone's efforts seem better than mine
Like they’re miles ahead
And I’m at the starting line

As I watch the world turn
I’m held in place by my regret
Am I who I wanted to be yet?
Circulating thoughts
Bleed into idle tenderness
I'm getting worse all over again

("Do you wanna die?")

With a body bound to bed
Observe the faded girls lament
Wasted as I smoke away the dread

I take a breath and another day has passed
I can’t keep up
The world’s moving too fast
And if I could
I’d just cry about it
But my eyes won’t allow it

It’s hard to concentrate
To pull expression from my brain
I try to write a turn of phrase
It feels inane, I feel ashamed
Ah
Have I said all there is to say?
What's the point of an artist
Who can't communicate
I reason with the mirror
Try to identify
It's just a mock-up of life
A childish outline
Everyone’s efforts
Seem better than mine
My pain is no mistake
It's part of my design

Always awaiting answers
Even when I know nothing’s left
Holding onto what doesn’t exist
If it was all a dream
What a relief that would be
No longer forced to live half asleep

("Do you wanna die?")

Do I wanna die?
How the hell should I know?
What a pain to be alive
The girl I used to be
Resemblance of serenity
How can she give that back to me?

As I watch the world turn
I’m held in place by my regret
Am I who I wanted to be yet?
Circulating thoughts
Bleed into idle tenderness
I'm getting worse all over again
("Do you wanna die?")

With a body bound to bed
Observe the faded girls lament
Wasted as I smoke away the dread

AH