[Song I: The Cheesecake Factory]
Whatever your heart desires
We'll make something like that

[Song II: Home Depot]
A place for dads to be dads (Yeah!)
We're daddin' all over the place (Oh yeah!)
With tools and drills and grills and hammers
And exhausted little kids who dad brings along
But only once a month 'cause that's when the court says dad's allowed to see them (Awww)
And two-by-fours and wood and nails and saws-

[Song III: MySpace]
If you're old enough, you'll remember a time
Where you had to pick your favorite friends and list them online
Myspace...

[Song IV: Starbucks]
Sugar and sugar and sugar and sugar
And sugar and sugar and sugar and sugar
And sugar and sugar and sugar and sugar
And a little bit of coffee

[Song V: Bic]
Whеn you need to write a letter saying that you'rе sorry for burning down your ex's house
Use Bic
In both instances
[Song VI: Ford]
Have you America'd yet today?
Buckle up in your brand new America
Turn on the bald eagle (One small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind)
And get Mount Rushmore'd all over your face
Work in construction
And on your way to freedom, drive a Ford
You should vote for-

[Song VII: Nintendo]
We're a little box of happy that you play with your friends
Just grab yourself a controller, the fun never ends
Play a game of Mario with Peach and Bowser
Pokémon and Donkey Kong with hentai in your browser
(You little freak)

[Song VIII: Yahoo!]
We used to be the go-to email place
Now when your email ends with "Yahoo", people laugh right in your face

[Song IX: Reddit]
We'll find out where you live
And we'll do justice to you

[Song X: Yamaha]
When you need to upstage your sister's piano recital
By doing really sick flips on your dirtbike
Use Yamaha, in both instances
[Song XI: Neopets]
All your Neopets are dead
You didn't feed 'em
All your Neopets are dead
How dare you mistreat them
All your Neopets are dead
The blood is on your hands
Down in Neopet land

[Song XII: Hallmark]
Watch this crap that we just pooped out
Churning out turds into Grandma's mouth

[Song XIII: Campbell's]
Let's be real
You ain't eating this for the flavor
(You're very sick, we're worried about you)

[Song XIV: Costco]
Why not buy a year's supply at Costco? (At Costco)

[Song XV: Adult Swim]
You were just a kid
Who fell asleep with Cartoon Network on
Now you're dressed like Rick and Morty at your local Comic-Con
[Song XVI: Wendy's]
Clapback (Clapback!)
Yas queen (Yas queen!)
Tell 'em, sis (Tell 'em, sis!)
Wendy's (Wendy's!)

[Song XVII: Duolingo]
Making you feel guiltier than your Catholic mother
(Estas practicando, o eres muerto!)
I don't know what he's saying

[Song XVIII: Mitsubishi]
When you've lost your pencil
And you've lost your car
And you've lost your air conditioning unit
Use... Mitsubishi, in all instances