[Intro: Sandy Dirks]
Hey kids!
Let's learn the alphabet with Sandy!

[Verse 1: Sandy Dirks]
A, a, agriculture
B, b, booties
C, c, coochie
D, d, dick
E, e, elephants
F, f, fuck
G, g, great
H, h, hair

[Chorus: Janice Dudley]
So glad I’ve got my wife
To teach me how to read
Because I forgot
To learn my ABCs
To all the kids out there
Sandy’s here to help
Sandy is your teacher
Grab the books up on your shelf

[Post-Chorus: Sandy Dirks]
I, i? What the fuck does an I make?
What the fuck does an I make?!
I've got to look this shit up...

[Verse 2: Sandy Dirks]
I, i, igloo
J, j, jack off
K, k, kittens
L, l, love me
M, m, mmm
N, n, no!
O, ooh, oh yes!
P, p, please fuck me

[Chorus: Janice Dudley]
So glad I’ve got my wife
To teach me how to read
Because I forgot
To learn my ABCs
To all the kids out there
Sandy’s here to help
Sandy is your teacher
Grab the books up on your shelf
[Verse 3: Sandy Dirks]
Q, q, quarter
R, r, rope
S, s, sex
T, t, tit
U, u, you are my wide
V, v, violet
W, w, woah there Janice!
X, x, fox
Y, y, yoyo
Z, z, Zoboomafoo

[Chorus: Janice Dudley]
So glad I’ve got my wife
To teach me how to read
Because I forgot
To learn my ABCs
To all the kids out there
Sandy’s here to help
Sandy is your teacher
Grab the books up on your shelf
So glad I’ve got my wife
To teach me how to read
Because I forgot
To learn my ABCs
To all the kids out there
Sandy’s here to help
Sandy is your teacher
Grab the books up on your shelf