[Verse 1: Dick Van Dyke]
When you want 'em, you can't get 'em
When you've got 'em, you don't want 'em
All the wise men try to dope it out
But it seems they're always left in doubt

[Verse 2: Dick Van Dyke & The Ray Charles Singers]
When you get 'em (Ba doo 'n' doo doo)
Then you pet 'em (Ba doo 'n' doo doo)
When you lose 'em (Ba doo 'n' doo doo)
You forget 'em (Ba doo 'n' doo doo)
At certain times you have too many
And lots of other times you haven't got any

[Chorus: Dick Van Dyke]
When you want 'em, you can't get 'em
When you got 'em, you don't want 'em
You're never satisfiеd at all

[Verse 1: The Ray Charles Singers & Dick Van Dyke]
When you want 'em (When you want 'еm)
You can't get 'em (You can't get 'em)
When you've got 'em (When you got 'em)
You don't want 'em (You don't want 'em)
All the wise men try to dope it out
But it seems they're always left in doubt
[Verse 2: Dick Van Dyke & The Ray Charles Singers]
When you get 'em (When you get 'em)
Then you pet 'em (Then you pet 'em)
When you lose 'em (When you lose 'em)
You forget 'em (You forget 'em)
At certain times you have too many
And lots of other times you haven't got any

[Chorus: Dick Van Dyke, The Ray Charles Singers, Both]
When you want 'em, you can't get 'em
When you got 'em, you don't want 'em
You're never satisfied at all, oh, no
When you want 'em, you can't get 'em
When you got 'em, you don't want 'em
You're never satisfied at all