[Verse 1: TommyInnit]
Doesn't seem to matter what I do
I'll never get through to you
You don't know how hard I tried, oh-oh, I
I have feelings that I can't explain
Drivin' me insane
All my life, been so polite
But I'll sleep alone tonight

[Chorus: TommyInnit]
'Cause I'm just Tom
Anyone else would take my arm
Is it my destiny to live and die a life of a blond divorcee?
I'm just Tom
Where I see love, he sees a friend
What will it take for him to feel the way I feel for me and be happy?

[Interlude: TommyInnit]
Please, please, just- Tubbo, please stop trying to divorce me! I don't want you to! It's funny! It- There's no reason to! There's no real reason! And I've been sued before, but I can't be sued again, Tubbo! You get sued twice, you go to jail, that's how it works! So, please! Please! Just drop the charges! 'Cause I'm a- I'm a- I'm a nice guy! I'm Tom! Y'know?

[Verse 2: TommyInnit & Tubbo]
I wanna know what it's like to love
To feel the real thing
Is it a crime?
To trick my friend into marrying me? (Yes.)
And when our moment could arrive, you're always streaming
I'm no streamer
(I was wrong. You don't deserve me, Tubbo!)
[Bridge: TommyInnit]
Can you feel the Tom-ergy?
Illegal marriage, Tom-ergy
Can you feel the Tom-ergy?
Please don't leave the Tom-ergy

[Chorus: TommyInnit]
I'm just Tom
Anyone else would take my arm
You don't have to run away from me, we have so much undeniable chemistry
I'm just Tom
Yes, I have a girlfriend, but that's... fine
She would never ruin what could be our flourishing marriage

[Outro: TommyInnit, Jack Manifold & badlinu]
I'm just Tom (And he's enough)
Financially stable and I'm tough
So, hey, just hear me out, please, I'm just Tom
I'm just Tom (He's really nice)
Just stay married, don't think twice
So, please, Tubs, check me out, yeah, I'm just Tom
Toby, I'm just Tom