[Introduction: RuPaul]
Ladies and gentlemen
Rupaul's Drag Race UK presents the worldwide premiere of
Rats: The Rusical

[Verse 1: Cast]
Can you fit up a drainpipe?
Scavenge the bins?
Have six thousand babies?
Trial new medicines?
Can you slip in the toilets?
Spread death and disease?
Do you eat your own feces?
Mmm, better than cheese!
Do you like biting children?
Love causing disease?
Let's terrorize humans, it's timе to infest!
We're thе rata-tat-rats!
Forgettable rats
Parasitic rats
Satanical rats
Rata-tat-rats, scum of the night!
Nauseating and ready to fight
CGI's a mess and we have have human hands!
What the hell is going on here?
No one understands!
[Dialogue: Asttina Mandella, Ellie Diamond, Tayce, Both]
Um, excuse me
My name's Jane and I'm a little lost
My owner's just flushed me down the toilet
Ugh! Quit squeakin', kid!
I'm Scat Rat, this is Scabies
We're the hood rats that run these streets
We only care about...
RuPaul's Rat Race

[Verse 2: Tayce, Ellie Diamond, Both]
RuPaul's Rat Race
Whiskers twitchin'
RuPaul's Rat Race
May the best rodent win!
H-h-h-h-h-hold up, rewind that track!
Rat-egory is...
Bring it to the subway
Subway, s-s-s-s-subway
Whiskers, fur, claw, nose
Comin' for y'all rat hoes
This rat sick, tail for days
Snitch! Bitches, sit and watch me slay
Eenie, meenie, miney, mo
Fake ass rats got nowhere to go
I'm the big cheese, don't scatter please
Gonna win this race, give the crown to me!
Rata-tat-rat! Rata-tat-rat!
Rata-tat-rat, rat!
Rata-tat-rat! Rata-tat-rat!
Rata-tat-rat, rat!
RuPaul's Rat Race
May the best rodent, best rodent win!
[Dialogue: Sister Sister, Cherry Valentine, Lawrence Chaney]
What is this exactly?
Is this a movie or a stage show?
Andrew Lloyd Webber would never greenlight this mess
What am I meant to do with this?

[Dialogue: Asttina Mandella, Ellie Diamond, Tayce, Both]
Who are they?
Ugh, they're the Rat Pack
A.K.A., the extras

[Verse 3: Sister Sister, Cherry Valentine, Lawrence Chaney]
We all thought Rats would be a huge success
But looks like we signed up to a real hot mess
Now that Oscar's are out of sight!
We can't leave now until it's morning light
The running time's (Too long)
The CGI's (All wrong)
Can we have a rewrite? (I don't think we can)
We really, really, really need a backup plan
Backup plan, backup plan
Can we save this movie? I don't think we can
None of this is real, it's all special effects
I'm not too sure who does the final checks
My bare arse came out on screen!
And we're not quite finished, our hands are green
The scale is wrong (All wrong)
They made my tail (Too long)
Can we have another movie? (I don't think we can)
We really, really, really need a backup plan
Can we save this movie? I don't think we can
[Dialogue: Ginny Lemon]
Everybody, quick!
It's Depravity and her pesky sidekick, Diphtheria!
(Oops)

[Verse 4: Bimini Bon-Boulash, A'Whora]
Wrong Rusical!
(Eugh!)
I'm the psycho killer, rat thumb on the trigger
I'll destroy your babies, my bite will give you scabies!
I'm the rat castrator, planning to kill you later
I will feast your dinner, eat you up and make you willy
Now I've set my trap!
I'll get you, little rat!
Now I've set my trap!
I'll get you, little rat!
I'm the sick and twisted rat that's been blacklisted
I'll kill all the rats, feed them all to the cats!
Now I've set my trap!
I'll get you, little rat!
Now I've set my trap!
I'll get you, little rat!
They've ratted on us!
Quick, get out of here!

[Dialogue: Asttina Mandella, Veronica Green]
Wow!
Uh-huh, rat got your tongue?
Who are you?
My name is Evita von Fleas
Wait, but isn't that a different Rusical too?
Oh, it's all so confusing!
Oh, don't cry for me, this is a way better part
Hit it!

[Verse 5: Veronica Green, Asttina Mandella, Both]
The second you get a skin rash
Feelin' like your 'bout to have a seizure
It's the rat bite fever
So trashy, so sexy
Hey, won't you fill me in on how to get so sweaty?
(Ooh, ah)
Let me just spill you the tea
I flash a nipple, I'm your filthy fantasy
(Rat bite fever)
Swing it, baby!
Rat bite fever...
Rat bite fever...
Rat bite fever...
Rat bite fever...
Spread your legs and make 'em pee!

[Dialogue: Ginny Lemon]
Cover yourselves!
My name is Dame Doody Stench
And this Rusical ain't over until our last rat lady sings
It's Specimen One, the oldest rab lat!
She's got a few memory problems
So I'll help her with this next one

[Verse 6: Tia Kofi, Ginny Lemon, Both]
Flashbacks, all alone in the drainpipes
She dreams of an uncaged life
She was sickening then
With frazzled fur and itchy whiskers
The nights keep getting colder
Keep back, hold your distance
Disease is taking over
Stroke me
Who cares about hygiene?
Just look at my mammaries!
Please ignore all the pus
Just a lab rat, a lonely rat
Who yearns to be loved
Look, my tail has fallen off
Death drop! Augh! Shablam!

[Dialogue: Cast, Asttina Mandella]
Eewww...
(Hey, look!)
It's RuPaul-dronome!
Who's that?
Oh, shut up!

[Dialogue: RuPaul, A'Whora, Bimini Bon-Boulash]
The time has come
To announce the winner of Rupaul's Rat Race
Ten rodents stand before me
Oh, seven rodents stand before me
You've gotta be kiddin'
Two rodents stand before me
We did it!
We killed the bitches!
Oh, rats!

[Outro: Cast]
The end!
(Uh-uh, no, I just got my nails done!)
(Get that pussy off me!)
[scattered yelling]