[Verse 1: Norman Pain]
Don't want to fall in love, I just want to get fucked
Shovelling mountains of terrible stuff
Heroin, Ketamine, Jellybean Puff (Ugh)
Shove it in my brain, get it all mixed up
Like wow (Wow), I'm a troubled soul
I'm living in a studio flat that's covered in mould
Come outside just to shout at strangers
Then I crawl in a hole like an ugly mole

[Verse 2: Patrick Karneigh Junior]
I love drugs and sketchy pills
But my favourite ones are the ones that kill (Yep), quickly (Yeah)
When I go, will my loved ones miss me?
Well the answer's no (Okay)
Chuck my corpse in a big main road (Yup)
Turn my head to a powdered skull (Okay)
Let rain pour, turn that to mulch
And that's the last scene of The Patrick Show (Alright)

[Bridge: Norman Pain]
I sniff glue gun paste, now my face is plastic (Plastic)
Having a gang bang to Jackson Five (That's right)
I'm a ratchet guy
Lost my wife, what a prat, goodbye
No (Bitch), don't talk to me
Unless it's an emergency
I gotta go, I gotta take a number three
That's a piss and a shit and a wank in a tree
[Verse 3: Patrick Karneigh Junior]
I said "Hello there, can I fill your hole?"
She took one look and she told me "No."
I got a wife at home and she hates me
I sleep outside 'cause she makes me (Yeah)
Big bowl of the cocaine, that's my breakfast
I tried crack once, I just wanted to test it
And I'm hooked now, I could marry my pipe
My wife wouldn't care, she just wants me to die

[Chorus: Norman Pain & Patrick Karneigh Junior, Norman Pain]
It's party time, get your drugs out (What?)
If you wanna make love, get your muffs out
It's party time, get your drugs out
Do you wanna make love to a sad old man?
It's party time, get your drugs out (Wow)
If you wanna make love, get your muffs out
It's party time, get your drugs out
Do you wanna make love to a sad old man?

[Verse 4: Norman Pain]
I said a hip, a hop, a hip (Hey, hey)
I dip my dick in the salsa dip on a Taco Tuesday (Taco Tuesday)
Can I spaff on your booblays? (Say yes)
Feel free to say no (Feel free to say no)
Bald, mean, and full of beans
I've got a Yamaha keyboard drum machine (What's that?)
Metallica patch on my dungarees (Huh)
I said "Girl, can I get your number please?" (Please)
[Verse 5: Patrick Karneigh Junior]
Hang myself in the neighbour's garden
When he comes back, that's a nice surprise (Ah)
Let the darkness just take your soul
Listen up chile, close your eyes
Just pull it out, don't cut my hair
Take my face, stub a cig right there
I'm a dirty, wretched man
Call me grandad 'cause I fucked your nan (Ah)

[Verse 6: Norman Pain]
What's the worth?
Fuck the universe 'til it hurts (Okay)
I'm not used to these kinds of mental health (Huh)
Issues, I just wanna live in a church
And find peace upon my brain
Jesus, please just stop my pain
I know you think that this is a game, but it's not
Now watch me walk away (Quick)

[Verse 7: Patrick Karneigh Junior]
I'm a love machine, I don't know when to stop
I got a mouse trap here that can make my cock
Pink and red with a mighty bruise
In the club, two stepping with my black school shoes (Nice)
Luncheon meat in my boot cut jeans
Chuck it on bread with a bit of knob cheese
Tasty, would you like a bite?
Give the clap to your wife, then I wave goodnight
[Chorus: Norman Pain & Patrick Karneigh Junior, Norman Pain, Patrick Karneigh Junior]
It's party time, get your drugs out (What?) (Woah)
If you wanna make love, get your muffs out (Right)
It's party time, get your drugs out
Do you wanna make love to a sad old man? (Fuck you ya' asshole)
It's party time, get your drugs out
If you wanna make love, get your muffs out (What?)
It's party time, get your drugs out
Do you wanna make love to a sad old man?

[Outro: Patrick Karneigh Junior]
Do you wanna make love to a sad old man?