[Verse 1]
The gingham dog and the calico cat
Side by side on the table sat
T was half-past twelve, and what do you think
Nor one nor the other had slept a wink
The old Dutch clock and the Chinese plate
Appeared to know as sure as fate
There was going to be a terrible spat
I wasn't there; I simply state
What was told to me by the Chinese plate

[Verse 2]
The gingham dog went Bow-wow-wow
And the calico cat replied Mee-ow
The air was littered, an hour or so
With bits of gingham and calico
While the old Dutch clock in the chimney-place
Up with its hands before its face
For it always dreaded a family row
Now mind I'm only telling you
What the old Dutch clock declares is true

[Verse 3]
The Chinese plate looked very blue
And wailed, Oh, dear! what shall we do
But the gingham dog and the calico cat
Wallowed this way and tumbled that
Employing every tooth and claw
In the awfullest way, you ever saw
And, oh! how the gingham and calico flew
Don't fancy I exaggerate
I got my news from the Chinese plate
[Verse 4]
Next morning, where the two had sat
They found no trace of dog or cat
And some folks think unto this day
That burglars stole that pair away
But the truth about the cat and pup
Is this they ate each other up
Now, what do you really think of that
The old Dutch clock it told me so
And that is how I came to know

[Outro]
And that's the story of the duel between the gingham dog and the calico cat
And that's the story of the duel
The Duel of London
The Duel of the century
The Duel that will be told for ages
Baby, give me money
I state