[Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES
EYELESS JACK
VS
LAUGHING JACK
BEGIN

[Verse 1: Eyeless Jack]
It's Eyeless Jack here, and I’m back for revenge
I'll murder all these verses like I did to all my friends
I’ll blister this mister jester, you’re nothing but a cloud wisp
I couldn’t stand to see your story, and I’m absolutely Eyeless
Now I'll wear my mask again like it was a masquerade
Better quit your laughing, cause I'm about to jack your fame
My flows are darker than the void in my heart and eyes
Even with your clown cousin, Ronald, victory would still be mine

[Verse 2: Laughing Jack]
All around the mulberry bush, the clown chased the blind man
With a weird eating disorder, dude, stop eating those hands
I'm going ham, squeezing your ass until Pop Goes the Weasel
I'll maniacally take you down, eyeless man, I'm pure evil
I bring pain, you'll go insane just like my playmate Isaac
Before you get kicked, smacked with a brick, and a mouthful of ticks
You see how dope I'm flowing? Oops, I guess not
I'll break to your home, trash your rooms, and leave a dead dog
[Verse 3: Eyeless Jack]
This Dumbo given by angels’ about to get back some pain
I'll end you harder than that little kid you maimed, remember James?
You're dressed as an emo mime, while I've got vicious battle rap attacks
Cut you no slack, I'm making a comeback, you'll remember Eyeless Jack

[Verse 4: Laughing Jack]
I may be a clown, but this time I'm not joking
It'll be a pleasure to nail you to the wall and cut you wide open
I'm dispersing these rhymes so hot, they'll make you descend
Why don't you leave this battle now and go jack off to BEN?

[Verse 5: The Observer]
It's the Observer, hacking into this war between two fools
You bitches never learn, but I'm gonna leave you two schooled
I've been observing, I'll leave you burning, before this next rhyme
And I be swervin', even murdering your tribes twelve times
You could never find me with these bombs that I'm dropping
Trying to fight me is useless, I'll always be forever watching
Okay, you two. Let's see what today we've learned
How many Jacks does it take to know you cannot defeat the observer
Just like my friend, Noah, I'll leave your brain melting
I interrupted your verses, because I found them repelling
Your souls will be mine after I have a feast on your asses
None of you punks are even prepared for when I take off my glasses
[Verse 6: Ticci Toby]
They call me Ticci Toby, not like you’d care that much
Once I’m done talking to myself, I’ll blow steam on you punks
You think you are creepy? This twitching kid don’t give two shits
I’ll kill you all off and feed you to the ticks
Stop acting like you’re hot when you’re colder than the rain
How can you damage me? I’m fucking immune to all pain
Don’t even try to diss me or your life will be at stake
You picking on the retarded kids is the last mistake you’ll ever make

[Verse 7: Herobrine]
Herobrine has joined to disconnect you from your dicks
I'm pulling out my diamond sword to leave all of your throats slit
You two Jack-offs should just piss off, you’ll experience your End with me
And all I can Observe from this anti-social brat is an Enderman wannabe
Please, these cheesy teases of terror should’ve known they can’t take this
I’ll cause heart attacks, nightmares, death, and do it all in 8 bits
Don't try to take on my blank eyes, this Swede’ll be the last contender
Wherever you’re suffering you'll know I’ll be watching in the Short Render

[Interlude: Midnight Game Chorus]
Don’t turn on the lights during the Midnight Game
Do not use a flashlight during the Midnight Game
Do not go to sleep, during the Midnight Game
And don’t attempt to use another’s blood for your name
[Verse 8: The Midnight Man]
If you think you’re gonna beat me, you’re lost in your dreams
Purifying crappypastas like you is just ritual for me
Walk your little game, Herobrine, I bask in the tears of the damned
I'm an embodiment of faith, your fate’s in my hands
Take a blood sample, make a case of the proxy behind the screen
You can’t see I’ll be cackling at the deaths of these teens
Until the clock strikes twelve, you’re in my realm, no escape
Darkness you can’t handle, light your candle, pray for the day

[Verse 9: Richard Van Buren]
Are you feeling lonely? Then come visit my site
I’m not afraid of two Jacks, an observer and Midnight
I’m as crazy as an ape on this track, just check the links
You’ll find more than you bargained for when you come for the kinx
I’ll perform a seance to tell this moose that he’s just useless
Any attack from a hack and his Jacked friends on me is fruitless
When you find my site, you’ll be tongue tied, like when I rap and dis
This staticy kid’s so lonely, I bet he would try and fap to this

[Interlude: Intercom voice]
SCP'S 106 and 087 have escaped, keep a look out for both-

[Verse 10: SCP-087, SCP-106 and Both]
Welcome to the never-ending staircase of Hell
Once I’m released from my cell, you know your lives won’t end well
There’s no lights, so you’re in for a treat
We’re most uncontainable freaks since 173
There’s a baby down here, don’t you want him to be safe?
Then get the mics outta those faces, I’m Radically insane
Ready to see my real face? Come near us if you dare
We’ll be waiting for you at the bottom of the stairs

[Verse 11: The Rake]
Your rhymes are as tedious as your never-ending staircase
And you so called creepypastas are such a waste of space
Watch me munch on these monsters like I munch on sick rhymes
I'm The Rake, bitches, great bitches, haunting through time
I've been around for so many centuries, now making these SCPs history
I’ve been trapped after death, but I’m breaking free, and no one will figure out my mystery
My feet will keep crawling and my rhymes will keep flowing
Just like my internet fame, my mouth will keep growing

[Verse 12: Skin Taker, Pirate Percy and Horace Horrible]
Light the Candle on this Cove, Skin Taker has arrived
I want you to scream in my studio, so go inside
I’ve been investigated by tons, you’re the Laughingstock of me
Don’t touch your remote yet, ‘cause here’s Pirate Percy
It's Pirate Percy, maties, no way you'll get through me
I'll make you scream as soon as I exit your TV screen
I'll be laughing at this jackass while making the rest of you suffer
Because a battle is no place for you already dead landlubbers
It's clear that we've entered a hostile environment
So allow the man in top hat to teach you about violence
Just takes a slash of the throat and death ensues children
Just like the lost treasure, you'll never be seen again

[Verse 13: BOB]
Once you hear the sound of glass shattering downstairs
You’ve known that you are in for a true frightening scare
I’m the Creature, I’m your teacher, so get ready to stop
You guys are gonna die when you meet the eyes of BOB
I might have no arms but I’ll still slam you till you’re dead
You’ll see me through the space of the curtains when you’re in your bed
This is your final warning, there is no way to harm me
Online wimps like yourselves would think I needed an Army

[Verse 14: The Grey Man]
Time to go to sleep, you freak, you'll never escape
You hide in labs and forests while I haunt the Dreamscape
Pray your death comes quick when you see me in the distance
I’ll paint a Rake and his armless mate all over the Violence District
None of Slendy’s proxies or you SCP’s could scare me
You hear me? Puppets and atwisted Ron Jeremy
Midnight’s worse than Twilight, leave this square dismembered
You’ve seen the man I am, still want to remember?

[Verse 15: UBOA]
I’d rather not remember, your face is ugly as sin
Now let's turn out the lights because the fun shall begin
I'm known as an NPC but I have spawned many stories
And this stalker must be high if he thinks he's got all the glory
Don't even think about touching me, I'll send your ass to the Desert
I'll let out these screams and make sure you all get severed
There's Snow way out of this, can't get away with your bike
Pinch yourselves now, for I have taken over your lives

[Verse 16: Polybius]
Oh, all of these tripping creepypastas are making me sick
Just like my game, I’ll chop you up into 8 bits
We got a guy without arms and a little masquerade
All of you will be doomed when you step in my arcade
I’ll break you like a rake, leave you all to your demise
I covered up the kids I killed with Secrets and Lies
I kick it old school, and I’m gonna be your teacher
I’m shaking down this battle, so get ready to have a seizure

[Verse 17: BRVR]
I’ll never love you all, stop interfering my channels
Just let me catch you all and light you up like the Midnight Man’s candles
I don’t need any love from all of you faggots who haven’t won
I have no hard feelings, especially when you all are done
You bitches are the big reason on why I want to die
I’m charging up, so make sure you run away and hide
I know when you’re lying to me, so prepare for shock attack
Just leave me the fuck alone, I don't want you to come back

[Verse 18: Happy Appy]
Hello children, welcome to this episode of Happy Appy
I'm friendly, I'm fruity, but I'm also feeling snappy
I may have got banned from Nick Jr, but I'm still standing strong
With how much this rodent obsesses, it's like he wants his owner's schlong
Now everybody calm down, because the violence is building
Let's broadcast these slaughters, cause that's natural, children
Well, let's conclude this episode, I had fun with you all
See you all next time, in the afterlife hall

[Verse 19: Luna & Creepybloom]
You'll hear the trotting of your doom, the galloping of your death soon
Except this time it ain’t a game, I’ll be the princess of a Blood Moon
It’s the queen that leaves even Pinkamena scared to death
Let’s see you try to clop after witnessing this JPEG
Prepare to be kicked to the desktop, here comes Creepybloom
It won’t take five games to turn this loon into Happy Appy-juice
My rhymes will buck you hard, haunt you Equestria Daily
You’ll be spammed and deleted cause The End is Neigh

[Verse 20: Sally]
I’m a sad girl trapped inside this wreck of a home
Don't even go near me, just turn around and go
Wanna play a game? A game called hide-and-go-seek?
I’ll drown you in depression and we shall go to sleep
I’m living in my pond of my really wet tears
Can you please get out? I want some alone time here
I want to live my dreams, getting crossed like a tally
You monsters lost against the lonely, depressed Sally

[Verse 21: MARIO]
Let’s-a go bro, go on ahead and open the file
This game has just begun, so you'll be here for a while
My story’s actually true, so that means I can take on you
The JPEG will make you have the chills when you’re crying in your room
This is the selfish way out, let your true king take this
When Yoshi takes over your life, you will never be truly missed
Welcome to the Yellow Switch Palace, you’ll never be free
So let’s play a game of hide and seek, try to find me

[Verse 22: Dead Bart]
Try to find you? You'll be under the sink
With your plumbers crack showing for everyone to see
I left Matt Groening crying and shaking like a little girl
Until he was too scared to mention me to the rest of the world
You try to act tough, but face the facts
Your princess is with Bowser and she ain't ever coming back
You try to change the channel but I'll hide the remote-o
And rain Grey Man’s grey matter on the streets of Kyoto

[Verse 23: Tails Doll]
The Number One killer doll is here, let me tell you a tale
How I beat all of you creepy wannabe fails
Can you feel the sunshine? Because I’ll stab you where it doesn’t
I’ll be piling all of your bodies, dozen by the dozen
You can try to unlock me, but none of you will get far
My telekinetic abilities will attack once you play Sonic R
I’d love to stay and play, but I need more kids to meet me
Let me bring in the second player, Sonic.exe

[Verse 24: Sonic.EXE]
This is the end, little fakers, yes, it ends today
And now I'm gonna kick your ass the evil hedgehog way
You can't escape, can't get away, you little Jack Baybays
I'm gonna laugh at you and scare you away
My eyes bleed red but you're all gonna be dead
Cause when I catch up to you, I'm gonna rip off your heads
All your stories are flawed, all flagged for fraud
One more thing, I am God

[Verse 25: WHO WAS PHONE?]
Who was I? Well, I was mother freaking phone
Will you shut the crap up? I am mad at your tone
You're all Jeff rip-offs, so you can suck my Slender dick
Herobrine, I'll kick you out like it was a Sparta kick
Who was phone, coming in fast, you'll need a cast like DarkLink's ass
Talk about being God your economy is high, you and Tails Doll are gay mates who need high fives
Drop dead, because you suck, if you dislike this battle, I dont give a duck
Yo, Rake, your nipples are ice cream cones, wait a second, wait, who was phone?

[Verse 26: Mereana Mordegard Glesgorv]
I’ll take your lives when I look you dead in the eye
You’ll be screaming before you can even subscribe
You know you’re fucked when you face Glesgorv
Before you know it, all your sanity will be absorbed
Who was Phone? Who gives a shit? You're a mess
I'm the best of the best, you won't ever find success
My stare alone sends shivers into grown ups and kids
I bring terror to the 'Tube, like User 666

[Verse 27: Russian Sleep Experiment]
Enough, Byron, your code's already been cracked
With these lines I've got packed yours just look whack
Let's try a little experiment, in the end you'll break
Cause you will never sleep when my rhymes keep you awake
I'll just gas you with my disses, so don't be having paranoia
It'll take less than 30 days for me to verbally destroy ya
I am in the madness within you all, and with that you got beat
I'll leave you in such a state you no longer want to be freed

[Verse 28: Habit]
Knock, knock, who’s there? Must be the rabbit, call me Habit
I’m nailing every one of you Crappypastas in only one little casket
None of you can stop me for it is I who inHABITS this sanctuary
CanYouSeeTheWords on what I’m writing? Cause it’s about to get scary
I possess people turning them into the world’s greatest killers and villains
You’re just restless skeletons messing with the Happy Puppet children
I’ve driven EverymanHYBRID mad with Slender Man on my side
I am mankind's bad habit, you all have nowhere to hide

[Verse 29: Squidward's Suicide]
Barnacle heads, be quiet, while I work on my art
You call yourselves creepypastas but you lack the creepy part
Bunnicula’s efforts to be frightening will all be in vain
You can say what you want, I went out like Kurt Cobain
Be gone, just do it, spit an improper diss, I'll shoot it
I blasted a fantastic symphony that night, and they knew it
I'm playing a deadly melody even when I’m deceased
This battle’s reached it’s sonata, and I can rest in peace

[Verse 30: Suicidemouse.avi & Abandoned by Disney]
No, I'm not having it, just watch my clip and it'll make you die
Horror, scariness, and darkness all packed inside an terrifying .avi
You overdosed on Krabby Patties, you're nothing but lost hope
Wanna see my head come off? Let me just grab my rope
Now. You're just an attraction here, while I'm the big deal
Rhymes so unreal they'll reveal that you'll kneel and squeal
I made Disney shit his pants yet you think your skill is odd?
Don’t need to run from me, you're all abandoned by God

[Verse 31: Evil Otto]
I’ve been summoned to battle all these cheesy whining hacks
You sent chills down people's spines? I gave children heart attacks
You copypastas can’t scare me, I leave the bodies piling
Go ahead and throw your disses, I’ll just keep on smiling
When I’m seen, even the toughest can’t help but faint
I’m scarier than you pussies and I can be drawn in MS Paint
Been making kids go Berzerk, these 43 pixels are lethal
Game over, motherfuckers, you’ve met with the face of true evil