[Intro]
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES!
GABE NEWELL
VS
SHIGERU MIYAMOTO
BEGIN

[Verse 1: Shigeru Miyamoto]
It's game time, son; I best not hear you Far Cry
Why don't you make a good game and put down the fries?
Lets a go like Mario, even Valve fanboys think I'm awesome
Your sex life is like your games, it will never see a threesome!
My eyes may be squinted, but you're losing from what I can see!
I'm so rich off this shit, I have my own damn Monopoly!
I'm the father of gaming, you're a Tick Tock Clock Ticker
Your games are so boring, I'd rather play Cookie Clicker
You are so fat and slow, everything you do gets delayed
The amount of meme pictures isn't half the size of your weight
You've walked right into your Doom, winning will take more than luck
My game was art in your eyes? Well, I don't give a Fuch!

[Verse 2: Gabe Newell]
Let me explain the true meaning behind your little Wii
Winning is impossible, when rapping against me
You think you're in Heaven's Hands, up with the stars?
I'm surprised that terrible graphics could get you that far
I'll chop you in half, just like my Steam game prices
Counter Strike you with rhyme, crush you like your handheld devices
Wii U and GameCube? I'd rather play a PlayStation
Crushing your Super Smash Balls as I score a domination
You lost the console war; you have no chance in this fight
You're a mistake like those let's play copyright strikes
I've seen better graphics on an old Tamagotchi
Prepare to die, Shiggy, just like Hiroshi Yamauchi
[Verse 3: Shigeru Miyamoto & Super Mario]
Oh please; I bet you have Smash Bros. 4 on your wishlist
Let's turn off the Valve; it's Mario time, bitches
Itsa-me; the true video game superstar
Nintendo's been on top since we were making playing cards
Just like Surgeon Simulator, you'll be cut up dead
What kind of mascot is a bald guy with a faucet in his head?
We'll throw a Mario Party in celebration of your defeat
This battle is as pointless as the Year of Luigi

[Verse 4: Gabe Newell & Scout]
Medic! Come and give my rhymes an Übercharge
It's time to change class and show this loser who we are
I'm about to slash and gash this Japanese dude's ass
The greatest first-person shooter while you're trying to button mash
Just get the int-hell outta here or deal with my Sandman
I'll wear your ass like a hat, crush you like a Bonk! can
I've got inventories of weapons and millions of tricks
I'm the motherfucking Scout, you're just 8-bit pricks

[Verse 5: Shigeru Miyamoto]
You have no Nintendo Power, yet you think you're a Game Master?
I'll flame you up, Goomba stomp and shoot my Nintendo Zapper
So prepare to wither and die like the Great Deku Tree
TF2 was so awful, you had to make it free
[Verse 6: Gabe Newell]
It's taking me a while to make Half Life 3, yes
But at least I'm not trying to sell a failed 2DS
You even said yourself, delayed games are eventually better
But in your case, they'll all just be bad forever

[Outro]
WHO WON?
WHO'S NEXT?
YOU DECIDE!
EPIC RAP BATTLE PARODIES