Well it's Christmas man, what do you have planned?
Surely something legal and just
Though you must admit that your gifts lack grit
Perhaps it's time you should indulge in sings outside of gluttony and lust
(Like greed! Now THAT'S a sin!)

I know that it's expensive to come up with great gifts
And the hottest games your kids already own
But if you listen to my song the answers been here all along
Perhaps it's time to buy a game that's brewed at home

So maybe...

How 'bout the next best thing?
Like this bootleg GBA game called return of the king?
It might not be Nintendo or Square Enix or Sony
But you have to admit that the names got a ring
(Ring a ding ding it passes the title test!)

There's super Mario 4 and 14 (Yes that's real look it up)
They're just as good as Mario Odyssey
You know your kids will play whatever if it's wrapped up with string
So throw that dirty ROM hack into their stocking
And get the next best thing

I've got Somari and Kirby Red Diamond (ooh!)
Perhaps you'd like Pokemon Chaos Black
Mario Kart Fighter and 7 Grand Dad
No one will know that they're fake, so cut yourself some slack!
You deserve a break, a game is a game
And try to ignore that built in sense of shame
They can't all be Call of Duty
So close your eyes, swallow your pride, and don't you dare be snooty!

So how 'bout the next best thing?
Just think of all of the money that you'll save cha-ching!
For why spend $70 on a triple A game
When you could buy a home made one that has the same name?
(Shop local folks!)

I understand your reservation, getting Crash 2 Advance can sting
But if you give your cast to me I guarantee your kids will see
And though these games might not be great it's way cheaper to emulate!

So trust in Scott and you can't lose, use the savings on some booze
And this Christmas they will dance and sing, for the
Next! Best! Thing!