[Verse 1]
I am the very model of a scientist Salarian
I've studied species Turian, Asari, and Batarian
I'm quite good at genetics as a subset of biology
Because I am an expert which I know is a tautology

In four directions cardinal I know the blot routinery
I problem solve with tools and guns and even farm machinery
I perfectly recall your genome purine by pyrimadine
I’ll diagnose the cause of every symptom your exhibiting

[Refrain]
He’ll diagnose the cause of every symptom your exhibitng!
He’ll diagnose the cause of every symptom your exhibitng!
He’ll diagnose the cause of every symptom your exhibit-ibit-ing!

[Verse 2]
My knowledge is prodigious though I’m stuffy and professory
I’m fluent in the Vorcha tongue and Hanar luminescery
My xenoscience studies range from urban to agrarian
I am the very model of a scientist salarian

[Refrain]
His xenoscience studies range
From urban to agrarian
He is the very model of
A scientist salarian
[Verse 3]
By breakfast time I’m curing seeker swarm induced paralysis
My ideal date would finish with statistical analysis
I’ve mastered optic instruments reflective and refractory
I don’t begrudge the quarians their hypochondriactery

I’ve memorized eidetic all my patients’ anamesises
I’ve written papers scores and scores and that’s not counting thesises
I’ll toxify my enemies with nary an apology
Then spend my weekends brushing up on elcor enzymology

[Refrain]
He spends his weekend brushing up on elcor enzymology!
He spends his weekend brushing up on elcor enzymology!
He spends his weekend brushing up on elcor enzymolo-olo-gy!

[Verse 4]
When I complete a surgery I sign my name in suturing
I’ve cut up more batarians than torfan’s famous butchering
If knowledge is a library than I’m it’s king librarian
I am the very model of a scientist salarian

[Refrain]
If knowledge is a library
Than he’s it’s king librarian
He is the very model of
A scientist salarian
[Verse 5]
When I know all the acids be they levo dextro rotamers
When I tell your asari child her genes are only sort of yours
When I expound the theories that my colleagues find heretical
When I know all the finer points of therapies genetical
When I could cure your cancer with my brain just halfway functioning
When I can fix mutating cells the point the nondisjunctioning
In short when I’ve a smattering of transgenic strategy
It had to be done rightly and so I’m the one it had to be

[Refrain]
It had to be done rightly and so he’s the one it had to be!
It had to be done rightly and so he’s the one it had to be!
It had to be done rightly and so he’s the one it had to had to be!

[Verse 6]
My skeptics call me mad and though they always try to censure me
And actuary tables say I’ll live just half a century
I’ve surveyed every habitat from xeric to riparian
I am the very model of a scientist salarian

[Refrain]
He’s surveyed every habitat
From xeric to riparian
He is the very model of
A scientist salarian!
[Verse 7]
At treating varren STD’s I’ve singular ability
I don’t prescribe black market testicles to fix fertility
I’ve shifted every paradign from Sur’kesh to Noveria
I’ve studied Piscifauna in the field and in aquaria
Of volus pharmaceuticals my memory’s a catalog
I know of all the krogan clans from ravanor to gatatog
My mastery of drell anatomy is incomparable
My soil science would suffice to make Tuchanka arable

[Refrain]
His soil science would suffice to make Tuchanka arable!
His soil science would suffice to make Tuchanka arable!
His soil science would suffice to make Tuchanka ara-ara-ble!

[Verse 8]
I know the use of minerals from platinum to iridium
My work’s more highly cited than a krogran on presidium
I lecture for the thrill of it I need no honorarium
I am the very model of a scientist salarian

[Refrain]
He lectures for the thrill of it
He needs no honorarium
He is the very model of
A sci-en-tist sa-larian

[Outro]
I am the very model of a scientist salarian!