I’m so good at writing jokes… And this is not even an exaggeration. I actually write jokes backwards. I will write a punch line with no particular setup in mind. I just put it on a scrap of paper, and I’ll throw that scrap of paper in my fishbowl. I have a fishbowl in my house filled with random punch lines. And every once in a while, I’ll shake the bowl and I’ll dig in there and pull one out, and see if I can make that shit work. And I picked one for this special. It’s not an easy punch line to pull off. Are you ready?

Yeah. Here it goes.

The punch line is, “So I kicked her in the pussy.”

I haven’t finished the joke yet. I just know whatever happens in the beginning of the joke, at the end of the joke, for some reason, I’m gonna kick somebody in the pussy, and it’s going to be hilarious.

You know what’s weird? I’ve always been this talented. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t.