Dave Chappelle
Dave on MTV’s “Cribs”
[Dave]
What's up, MTV? Come on in, you broke motherfucker. See how we livin'.
What you're stepping on is a marble foyer that was cut out from none other than Space Mountain. Very rare.
You like this coat? White panda. Hulk Hogan choked one out for me in China for my birthday. It's reversible. This side is bald eagle.
Look at my chandelier. It's $2 million. It's made out of expensive chicken dinners that I've eaten over the years from baller-ass restaurants.
Come with me. Ha!
You'll notice here, these are some African statues. I don't really fuck with Africa 'cause people are starving to death and that's not baller to me.
Come on, motherfucker! Keep up!
[Dave]
Now, it's time to see my shoe collection. You know ballers love nice shoes. Everybody got they Dunks and they Jords or whatever it is they wearing, but, see, I like to cut the middleman. Fuck a shoe closet, I got my own sweatshop, n***a! Goddamn!
I got these bitches working 16 hours straight
[Sweatshop Worker]
(yells in Chinese)
[Dave, in Chinese]
Be quiet! "Cribs" won't help you! Now, shut up or I'll burn your FEET! (hissing sound) YOUR FEET!
[Dave]
The heart of every house is the kitchen, right? What's that you say? You're a fan of archeology? Right here on the bottom shelf, you might recognize this as a tyrannosaurus rex egg. There's only two of these left in the world. Each of these bitches is 4,000,000 years old apiece, son, goddamn! Rare. Very hard to find.
And I happen to have both of 'em!
Good God! Whoo-eee, that smell wild!