Open the door, Richard
Open the door and let me in
Open the door, Richard
Richard, why don't you open that door

I met old Zeke standin' on the corner the other day
That cat sure was booted with liquor
He was what?
He was abnoxicated!
He was what?
He was inebriated!
He was what?
Well, he was just plain drunk
Well, alright then

He sure was salty with the bartender
Bartender's tryin' to make him buy another drink
Zeke told the bartender
Ain't no need of me buyin' no drinks when everybody else is buyin 'em
I'm gonna drink to everybody's health 'till I ruin my own!

Open the door, Richard!
Why, he don't know who he's throwin' out of that joint?
Why, I'll go back in that joint and take a short stick and bust it down to the ground!
Open the door, Richard!
But I hate to be caught out on the street like this 'cause it makes you looks so common
And I know I ain't common 'cause I got class I ain't never used yet
But I guess I better get on in the house cause I don't want my pastor to catch me out like this
Hey, Richard, open the door!
Now look at that old woman across the street
Done stuck her head outta the window, callin' her sister
Look at her, hunchin' her sister sayin, "ain't that him, ain't that him?"
Yes it's me, and I'm drunk again!
Open the door, Richard!

I know he's in there cause I got on the clause
They can't throw him out cause I owe just as much back rent as he does
Imagine that old woman chargin' us three dollars a month and getting mad 'cause we're twelve months in the arrears
Come meet me last Thursday saying, 'Ain't you boys gonna give me some back rent?'
I told her she'd be lucky if she got some front rent
Open the door, Richard!
Hey, Richard, open the door!

Cause I'm standin' here, scratchin' in my pants pocket
And standin' here, gropin' in my coat pocket
And standin' here, feelin' in my shirt pocket
And can't find the key
Hey, open the door, Richard!

Open the door, Richard
Open the door and let me in
Open the door, Richard
Richard, why don't you open that door