Ain't that Zeke sittin' over there? (Yeah, that's him)
Zeke, you dirty so and so
I wanna talk to you, Zeke
You ain't no good, and I ain't no 'frigillator, I can't keep nothin'
Pay attention to me

Now listen, old man, you and me been friends a long time
And up 'til now, we've been gettin' along just fine
But there's a few little things I gotta pull your coat about
And you pay attention to me and we ain't gonna fall out

I work nights and I think you've been very kind
Comin' over and stayin' with my wife all the time
But must you use my razor blades? Buy some, they're only a dime
Do you call that friendship?

And stop doin' them little dirty tricks like jammin' the chair against the door
You kept me out last night 'til half past four
I know you didn't mean no harm, but that's enough to make anybody sore
D'you call that friendship?

What about that night you came and took my wife to the show?
I asked her what movie she saw and she said she didn't know
I told her she couldn't see so good so don't sit back that far no more
(You ain't no good) That's right, Zeke, you ain't no good
Now I don't get mad like the average cat would do
When she buys me one shirt and she buys you two
But when she feeds you chicken and steak, and give me Irish stew
You's a little lizard in the bushes, that's what you are, that's what you are

And you stop feedin' her that candy and sweet stuff to eat
That jive is makin' her talk in her sleep
She kept me awake all last night mumblin' your name and sayin' "Sure is sweet"

You ain't no friend of mine, Zeke, no friend of mine
But I tell you, Zeke, I'm real happy, I'm happy as can be
About that big insurance policy you and my wife took out on me But what's all that arsenic doin' round the house? That's what I can't see
Zeke, you tryin' to poison me, that's what you don', you tryin' to poison

And what about that night I came home and caught that lipstick on your face
You and my wife broke up the furniture, wrastlin' all over the place And you told me you's playin' Cowboy and Indian and you were Chief Rain in the Face
You don't look like no Indian to me, but I'm gonna scalp ya
That's what's gonna happen, I'm gonna scalp ya

And even when we went on our honeymoon
The bellboy told me you rented the very next room
I know you my friend, but I didn't wanna see you that soon
Don't you never speak to me no more, Zeke

Do you call that friendship? (No, no)
You ain't no friend of mine