Cotton swabs are the ultimate safe and trusted first aid tool
Cotton swabs are a versatile implement in every beauty school
Cotton swabs are perfect for cleaning your baby or computer gear
Warning: do not under any circumstances stick them in your ear

WHAT? You’re not fooling anyone
Nobody reads the fine print
Nobody cleans their bathroom fixtures with a cotton swab
Or uses it for picking up lint
The only reason people buy your product
Is the thing you say should never be done
Then it was pretty unwise to make it the just the right size for my ear canal, guys
You're not fooling anyone

Mr. Jeep in my right side mirror, way back where the roads converge
Mr. Jeep zooms past thirty cars who got here first to merge
Mr. Jeep, feigning innocence, flashes an apologetic grin
"I don't understand how driving works, won't you please let me cut in?"

HA! You're not fooling anyone
This isn't some kind of race
If I let you in it's 'cause I am a saint
Not because of your dumb pleading face
Every single driver you just passed here
Knows you're a slimy sneaky son of a gun
You really seem unconcerned, but even little kids learn to wait their goddamned turn
You're not fooling anyone