Hey, it's me, leave a message, or just, like, text me.

Hi!

It's been a little while, thought I might hear from you

but I haven't, which is fine, I know you're busier than it appears

but it's been 9 days, which is a lot of nothing

after we were in communication constantly for years

and it's not that I've been counting I just happen to recall

because the nachos were delicious down at Café Sola

it's not because that was the last time that you touched me

just my arm for a sec when I was crying in my cola

so it's been 9 days, and I'm sure I've crossed your mind

or maybe not at all, I'm kinda starting to doubt

since you've been radio silent, and I wonder if I hadn't called

how long it would have taken for you to reach out

like, I'm clearly not important, so maybe after weeks

or even months or even years you would remember I exist

what I'm saying is that I, in a super chill fashion

in a really healthy way, that is neither sad nor pissed

have been craving those nachos and not thinking about you

If you are satisfied with your message, press 1.

To re-record, press 5—

Hi!

It's been a little while, and you said we should be friends

so I'm here being friendly, with a friendly little "heyyy"

and I know it's weird to call, when I could send an emoji

or slide into your DMs, or whatever's hip today

but we used to talk each evening, no matter where we were

I'd fall asleep to your breathing, so calming and slow

so that's a major habit and those are hard to break

but I managed not to call you for 9 nights in a row
so I suppose I kind of thought you might actually answer

'cause you mighta missed that too, but I guess that's my mistake

which again is not me saying that we should get back together

we are totally just friends, but maybe you could make

some kind of a recording, a few hours of you breathing

and I'll put it on a loop just so I can get some sleep

'cause I read a few studies, insomnia will drive you bonkers

sooner than you think and I tried counting sheep

so I've been learning web slang and not thinking about you

ROFLCOPTER!

Woot!

If you are satis—

Hi!

Just checking in, I have not been thinking about you

Where have you been? I have not been thinking about you

I don't miss your skin and I have not been thinking about you

Do you have a twin? I have not been thinking about you

Hi!

I just thought you'd want to know, I am using my time well

getting so much work done, still a real go-getter

I'm a responsible grown-up with many goals and skills

never wasting a moment, always making the world better

I am definitely not a useless shell of a human

spending every freaking hour of every single stupid day thinking about--

Hi!

Hi.

Hey, did you butt dial me?

Oh, yeah, I must have. Sorry.

No big emergency.
Okay. Glad you're okay.
See ya.
Bye!
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To delete your message, press 9.