[ENSEMBLE]
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

[NARRATOR]
If your life is a bore
And it's left you wanting more
Leave your fancy degrees
And your jobs and your cheese
It's time to change your point of view
Schmigadee-do

There's a world to explore
With a thrill behind each door
We got song, we got dance
Lots of sex, no romance
We've got it all and just for you

Welcome to Schmicago
Our fantastical farrago
Mystery and magic
Endings that are tragic
Welcome to Schmicago
Schmicago

[JENNY BANKS]
Dreams of fame on the stage
[DOOLEY BLIGHT]
And revenge that's fueled by rage

[DANCERS]
Women brimming with lust

[SERGEANT RIVERA]
Men that you shouldn't trust

[ORPHANS]
And orphans that don't wanna die

[NARRATOR]
Schmig-a-dee-yi

[HIPPIES]
Quest for meaning in life

[MISS CODWELL]
And an end to all this strife

[BOBBY FLANAGAN]
Systems running on greed

[OCTAVIUS KRATT]
And good guys who succeed
[NARRATOR]
And also someone's gonna fry

[ENSEMBLE]
Welcome to Schmicago
Our fantastical farrago

[ENSEMBLE]
Mystery and magic
Endings that are tragic
Welcome to
Welcome to
Welcome to
Schmicago
Schmicago
Schmicago
Schmicago

[ENSEMBLE, SPOKEN]
Peas and carrots, peas and carrots...

[ENSEMBLE]
Welcome to Schmicago (Welcome to Schmicago)
Our fantastical farrago (Woah)
Mystery and magic
Endings that are tragic
Welcome to
Welcome to
Welcome to
Welcome to
Welcome to
Welcome to
Welcome to
Schmicago
Schmicago
Schmicago
Schmicago
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh