[Verse 1: Professor Green]
I want me a Vegas girl
I don't like the song but I'd love me a Vegas girl
How do I have the audacity to say this?
I'm a little bit of a sadist, girl
I say this, I say that
Whatever I say, I never take back
I've got no respect
Ask Dream Mclean and his enormous head
I ain't got the heart to care
Ask him how long he spends in the barbers' chair
I wouldn't wanna be your barber
Picture me on a sheep in a barber
I'm Green like a frog and I ribbet
No, I've not lost it, I'm just being silly
Really need an ump and I'm going on millie
I don't mean I'm going on Millie
How much longer could he go?
My mind can only be described as unhealthy
No, I wasn't made in Chelsea
I'm just living it up real tosh

[Hook: James Craise]
I wear them dead man's shoes
I wear them dead man's shoes
I wear them dead man's shoes
I wear them dead man's shoes
[Verse 2: Professor Green]
I've had an idea, who knows how
We can raise the national IQ? I do
Take every member of every reality TV show
For a little trip on a ship and then sink the boat
Thank God Millie quit the show, I'm unbiased
It's simple, Millie would've been on the ship too
A prick to anybody and everybody
There ain't a woman alive that I wouldn't be a dick to
But you came into my life
And now everything's so sweet
I found my perfect match in a woman
Who gives more hugs than me, Millie
Me and my bird are barmy
Two peas in a pod, edamame
Couldn't care less what the whole world thinks of me
As long as the in-laws think I'm charming, darling

[Hook: James Craise]

[Verse 3: Professor Green]
In a couple of years, I'll be speaking posh
"He ain't hood anymore, he's a tot"
Picture hearing me speaking in a posh accent
Like "come hither now, clean my cock"?
"What did you say, young man?"
"Is this the way young people behave nowadays, young man?"
That was when she hit me with her walking stick and said
"That ought to teach you for talking shit"
I don't even know who she was, this is what the weed does
Millie, I'm gonna be with you forever
Only till the day that we divorce and I get taken to the cleaners
Probably for getting caught fondling the clean-er
It's never gonna happen!
She's 68!
She has had four children!
It would be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway!
[Hook: James Craise]

[Outro: Professor Green]
I wear them, I wear them
Them dead man's shoes, I wear them
I wear them, I wear them
Them dead man's shoes, I wear them
Dead man's shoes, I wear them
Dead man's shoes, I wear them
I wear them, I wear them
Them dead man's shoes, I wear them