[FLAT DALLAS & ENSEMBLE]
Well, what kind of hero does your story need?
A mystery man who's both cowboy and steed?
Got a monotone voice and a heart full of malice
So his enemies named that moletaur Flat Dallas
The legend, the legend of Flat Dallas! (Get along doggies, please!)

Does he got what it takes? Why yes, of course
'Cause he's kind of both the Rider and what would be his Horse
The legend, the legend of Flat, Flat, Flat Dallas

Well, he doesn't emote and he don't have no eyes
But he's the champion of the little guy
What a legend you are, Flat, Flat, Flat, Flat, Flat, Flat Dallas
Texas (So flat, so flat, so flat)

I-Can-Shoot-Tiny-Versions-of-Myself-Adoptin' Flat, Flat Dallas

Toilet raisin', punch swingin', quick at diggin'
Works in a courtroom for a livin'
Moister than the rain but super dry when he's deliverin' messages!
Please bring a message of hope
Flat, Flat Dallas
Yeah (Yee haw! Woo, woo, woo, woo!)

[FLAT DALLAS, spoken]
See you at high noon