[LAWRENCE]
This publisher’s game is shit. Let’s give it a three out of ten and be done with it

[FACILIER]
Don’t you disrespect me, little journo
Don’t you dare settle on that three
This is vidya, not movies
And I’ve got friends in the industry

[Chorus]
(He’s got friends in the industry…)

[FACILIER]
That’s the stockholders, gentlemen. Just a little something we have here in the vidya business, they’re just here to watch. Don’t worry…
Sit down at my table
Put yourselves at ease
With an open mind being successful in this biz will be a breeze
You’re a new review site
And I’ve helped tons like you
I will make you the next IGN
(They’re worth two billion, Lawrence)
Make your wildest dreams come true!

I got ads
I got swag
I got exclusive DLC
And I got friends in the industry

[Chorus]
He’s got friends in the industry

[FACILIER]
The scores, the scores, the scores we get
Every other site will rate us high, I bet
The scores, the scores, just read three!
Take a little trip into your future in the industry!

Now you, young man, you’ve loved games all your years
You think games are art, despite Ebert’s jeers
(Siskel was better anyway)
Your dreams are high
But your funds are low
You need to find a way for your reviews to make some dough

Momma’s basement ain’t fun, huh playboy?

[NAVEEN]
Eh, her spaghetti’s alright

[FACILIER]
Now you gotta make profit, but marketin’ ties ya down
You just wanna review
Tell it like it is

But freedom… takes green
It’s the green, it’s the green, it’s the green you need!
And when I look at your site
It’s the green that I see!

On you, senior writer, I don’t want to waste much time
Writing for years, ain’t made a dime
You’ve written review after review after review
You’re like Giant Bomb…
A waste of everyone’s time
But in this industry, for you I see
Exactly the man you always wanted to be

Shake my hand
Come on boys
Won’t you let me save your site?

[FACILIER]
Yes…
Are you ready?

[Chorus]
Are you ready?

[FACILIER]
Are you ready?
Advertisement central!

[Chorus]
Advertisement central!

[FACILIER]
Score advisement central!

[Chorus]
Score advisement central!

[FACILIER]
Review adjustment central!
Can you feel it?
We’re bribin’
We’re bribin’
We’re bribin’, all right!
I hope you’re happy
But if you ain’t
Don’t blame me!
You can blame my friends in the industry!

[Chorus]
You got the cash you wanted!
But you lost the fans you had!
Hush…