[BARBARA, spoken]
It's me again, Barbara Cartland. (Chuckles) Now, where were we?

[BARBARA, sung]
If your prince leaves you wanting more
And royal life is a royal bore
Why not score a man of war
Here comes
Here comes

[JAMES]
Jaaaaames...
Hewitt!

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS]
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
James Hewitt

[JAMES, spoken]
Ladies

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS, sung]
Oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
James Hewitt
[JAMES, spoken]
Other ladies

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS, sung]
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh

[JAMES]
Let's do it!

[JAMES & FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS]
Ladies
If your life has gone off course (oh, oh)
You don't need no messy divorce (oh, no)
All you need is a man on a horse!

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS & BARBARA]
Here comes, here comеs

[JAMES & FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS]
I can take you for a ride (James, Jamеs, James)
All your troubles cast aside
You'll dismount (Ooh!) satisfied

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS & BARBARA]
Here comes, here comes
[BARBARA]
His stomach is slim
His muscles are tight
A he-man like him
Who cares if he's bright?!

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS]
You'll sing his hymn
When the lights are dim

[BARBARA]
Here comes!

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS]
Here comes!

[JAMES, spoken]
James Hewitt, Your Royal Highness

[DIANA, spoken]
Officer Hewitt, I hear you offer lessons

[JAMES, spoken]
There's only one type of lesson I offer: riding lessons

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS, sung]
Oh, oh, oh James Hewitt
[JAMES, spoken]
I assumed your husband gives you riding lessons

[DIANA, spoken]
He's tried. He's not very good

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS, sung]
Oh, oh, oh, you go, girl

[JAMES, spoken]
Well perhaps he just doesn't have the proper horse

[DIANA, spoken]
And do you have the proper horse?

[JAMES, spoken]
Your Royal Highness, I think you'd adore my horse

[BARBARA, spoken]
Oh, all right, all right! I just made up those bits of dialogue, but aren't they delicious? They are! They are! (Chuckles) Now, listen

[BARBARA, sung]
Soon he hoists her up on a mare
Then the stallion takes it from there
He dared go where few men tread:
James Hewitt

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS]
James Hewitt

[BARBARA]
Did do it

[FEMALE ENSEMBLE MEMBERS & BARBARA]
Did do it...
In our Princess's bed!