[GEORGIA (spoken)]
Oh my goodness

[AARON (spoken)]
Holy Mother in heaven

[CARMEN (spoken)]
Holy shit

[OSCAR (spoken)]
What? The reviews aren’t good? What don’t they like?

[GEORGIA (spoken)]
That we put on a show

[AARON (spoken)]
The Boston Globe says: “If you loved Oklahoma!, stay there as long as Robbin’ Hood is running in Boston.”

[CARMEN (spoken)]
Critics!
Who'd make a living killing other people's dreams? I mean-

(sung)
What kind of man would take a job like that?

[OSCAR]
What kind of slob would take a job like that?
[CARMEN AND OSCAR]
Who could be mean enough, base and obscene enough
To take a job like that?

[GEORGIA (spoken)]
Wait a minute, here’s something in the Herald that might be good –

[CARMEN (spoken)]
“Formerly married composer and lyricist Aaron Fox and Georgia Hendricks have provided film star Jessica Cranshaw with a star vehicle – that ought to be driven off a cliff.”

[AARON]
What kind of mom would raise her boy like that?

[GEORGIA]
Who'd want her baby to destroy like that?

[ALL]
Who could be jerk enough
Hard up for work enough
To want a job like that?

Ohhhhhhhhhh, what kind of low down dirty bum
Ohhhhhhhhhh, what kind of swine-ish scurvy scum
Loathsome as they come, I wonder

[OSCAR]
What kind of man would want a job like that?
[CARMEN]
What kind of putz would squeeze your nuts like that?
Who could be prick enough

[ALL]
Mentally sick enough?
Who'd want to grow to be
Everyone's enemy?
Critics are hated and
So excoriated, tell me
What kind of man
Would want a job like –

[OSCAR (spoken)]
Hey, hey, hey get a load of this! The Cambridge Patriot says: “Considering the talent and experience of the
Veterans involved, Robbin’ Hood is sure to be a huge Broadway …
Smash."

[ALL]
What kind of genius has a mind like that
So perspicacious, wise and kind like that
Far from his mother's knee
She must be thrilled to see
How he grew up to be
Such brilliant company
Refined and reflective
(We're completely objective)
But it mists up your heart
To meet a man like that!