NARRATOR
Captain AJ Griffin walked in the rain
As the skeleton crew rowed away
He opened his door only to find
Someone else had stowed away

KAL
“It was a dark and stormy night…”

AJ
Get out of my chair, Kal

KAL
Ooo, aren’t we testy this evening?

AJ
What did you do to my sailors on board the ghost
Ship?

KAL
Oh, them. I was so frustrated and they were in
My way. What was I supposed to do?

AJ
Kal, you gave me your word you wouldn’t harm
My crew! Why you–
KAL
Captain, don’t be sad!
Take a bow, you did so well
I know that must have been a chore
Since you care so very much about your crew
But AJ, you did splendidly
A soldier doing what must bе done
Yeah, you probably hate mе more
After all the waiting I put you through
But that’s the past! Presently…
Bottoms up!
Gunpowder and rum
As classic as it comes
It seals the deal
Better than a meal
And a handshake’s so ho-hum
Take this gunpowder and rum
Relish what you have become
We made a bargain when we met
Tonight you fulfill your debt

AJ
Look, I’ve done everything you asked. My crew
Will mutiny if I hang onto that cursed ship much
Longer. Why haven’t you taken it yet?
KAL
There’s been… a complication

KAL
That lonely ship may be unmanned
With decks completely bare
But despite my efforts to take the helm
I was kept on the outer shell
Ugh, my fog was blocked at every turn
And I’ve since become aware
That ship, it belongs to…
How can I put this?
‘Someplace else’
And it’s protected by a spell

AJ
A spell?

KAL
A Traveler-strength protection spell. I haven’t
Encountered one of those since the war - and I’m
Not talking about the insignificant little war I
Found you splashing around in

AJ
How dare you–
KAL
Oh, shut up, you have no idea how long I’ve been
Waiting for this moment. I have a new plan to
Take the ship… but in order to do that, I’ll need
One more thing from you

AJ
What is it, you son of a bitch?

KAL
Take this gunpowder and rum
Too strong for some
Mixological art
That will make your heart
Beat louder than a drum
Ba-boom, ba-boom!
Gunpowder and rum
Slug it all for the best outcome
A toast to the old times, my friend
And your suffering will finally end

AJ
Give me the damn bottle

KAL
Don’t you want to know what my plan is?

AJ
No, I don’t care. (he takes a heavy drink)
Now get off of my ship. I never want to see you
Ag– ack! (AJ convulses in pain)

KAL
(calmly) Believe it or not, before all of this… I was
Actually a revered virologist. (a chair shuffles. AJ
Grunts painfully) My research affected the lives of
Millions of people

AJ
What’s– what’s happening–

KAL
Don’t fight it, captain. It’s already over

AJ
Ahhh! (glass breaks. AJ falls to the floor
Struggling to breathe.)

KAL
There’s something on board that ship that I need
It’s called an orrery, and it will lead me right to
The first gate. Eh, you don’t know what those
Things are. Too bad your crew didn’t find it. You
Might have survived this

AJ
You–you– (AJ can barely speak)

KAL
Anyway. The protection spell is there to prevent
People like me from getting on board. It reacts to
My genetic code and repels me any time I get close
Brilliant magic, really. Only a few people could
Have done it. And there’s only one way around it
The elixir that you just drank will let my presence
Take over your body

AJ
What?!

KAL
Now… this is going to hurt. Goodbye, captain
You were useful

AJ
No– y-y-you can’t– I won’t– AHHHHHHH!
(AJ’s voice warps and snaps)

KAL/AJ
Such a weak body. It’ll take some getting used to
(there’s a knock at the door)
Who is it?

SAMUEL
Captain… I thought I heard screaming

KAL/AJ
What are you doing here?

SAMUEL
Margaret and I were about to do inventory of the
Items retrieved from the ghost ship

KAL/AJ
Well, I suppose someone needs to be the one to
Write everything down

SAMUEL
…What did you say?

KAL/AJ
(brushing it off) Thank you, Mr. Stratford. I plan
On joining the prize crew on the other vessel soon
Tell Morgan to prepare a craft for me before you
Head down to the hold

SAMUEL
…Sir?

KAL/AJ
I’ll be ready in fifteen minutes. Dismissed. (Samuel
Leaves)
Gunpowder and rum
…Does it again
Now here I come