[Spoken: Katie Kowols]
"Paranoia?
Angry outbursts?
Obtrusive thoughts?
Unexpected supernatural body augmentations?
These are just some of the many symptoms reported by the hundreds of people each year who are possessed by eldritch entities.

"When you're suffering from possession, you want fast relief. That's why four out of five doctors recommend Yursquaad™.

"With its proven formula of compassion, loyalty, and sick skills, Yursquaad™ is clinically shown to provide fast-acting relief against possession from eldritch terrors, and gets you back doing more of the things you love most.

"Side effects may include: reduction of stress, increased red pigmentation in the cheeks, and heretofore unknown feelings of joy and acceptance.

"Ask your doctor if Yursquaad™ is right for you."