[Verse 1]
Dear, dirty London in the pouring rain
I wish to God I was back on the sea again
Though that belongs to the world of never-will-be
There was never a wilder bastard than me on the sea

[Chorus 1]
I could fuck all the whores in damnation, me boys
Though they wriggled and hollered and made a great noise
Then I'd drink till I stank and then drink plenty more
And I won't go down to the sea anymore
But if I had ten pounds, then I'd raise a loud cheer
And I'd toast all me neighbours both distant and dear
And I'd shoot back great belly-crippling buckets of beer
A pox and a curse on the people 'round here
Won't you give me the price of a half pint of beer?
Won't you give me the price of a cup of good cheer?
A pox and a curse on the people 'round here

[Verse 2]
A man's ambition must indeed be small
To write his name upon a shithouse wall
But before I die, I'll add my regal scrawl
To show the world I'm left with sweet fuck all

[Chorus 2]
And when all of us bold shithouse poets do die
A monument grand they will raise to the sky
A monument made just to mark our great wit
A monument of solid shit now, me boys
I met with Bill James and we fought over crusts
I called him a whore and he booted me crotch
Then we shared out the jack and we thought it a treat
The compliments pass when the quality meet
The compliments pass when the quality meet
The compliments pass when the quality meet
The compliments pass when the quality meet