[Verse 1]
My head is pounding, I can't stop the pounding
I think it is going to explode
And kill everybody who's in close proximity
To the place I call my home
And they'll make a moving made for TV movie
For Life Time all about my life
That ends with an epitaph one that will make you laugh
That says "great mom, okay wife"
At it'll be funny to the people who know me
Who know if my body's not burned
My soul will spend an eternity in misery
Tethered and bound to this earth
So I'm not a dick or a stick in the mud
Always ruining things for my friends
I mustn't forget when I see the sun set that
Tomorrow it will rise again

[Chorus]
So I tattoo instructions on my ass
That say "don't ever put this body in a casket
Burn it and put the ashes in a basket
And throw them in the Puget Sound
I don't ever want to be underground"
Oh no, oh no
[Verse 2]
I'm wearing size thirteen basketball shoes
And lavender fishnets
I'm freaked out and fucked up
And I'm standing alone in an alley with you
Wanting to show you a cure for your hiccups
But instead I close my eyes
The needles are numbered so I'm writing you letters
And I cannot disguise
The fact that I'm nervous when we are together
And so I fantasize
That the nights will get shorter and the days will get better
I feel a kick inside and decide
If this is a girl I'm naming her Heather
She'll look just like you, but her hair will be feathered
She'll say how you died before you ever met her
Her hair will be feathered

[Verse 3]
My head is pounding, I can't stop the pounding
I think it is going to explode
There are plus and minuses to sinusitis
Like sometimes I get to go home
But mostly it hurts so bad I think I'm dying
I just blew my nose and now I feel like crying
And the dreams I have are all of my past lives
And the seizures would paralyze me in the night
And I wake up, clutching my teddy bear tight
And I'm drooling and trying to turn on the light
All I can do is hold fast and sit tight
But what if they forget, 'cause you know they just might
[Chorus]
So I tattoo instructions on my ass
That say "don't ever put this body in a casket
Burn it and put the ashes in a basket
And throw them in the Puget Sound
I don't ever want to be underground"
Oh no, oh no